


HEART CHANGE

by P5soleilnoir



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Family Bonding, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Engine Room, Recovery, Redemption, Regrets, Sickfic, Slow Burn, Wholesome, p5soleilnoir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-01-03 03:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21172883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P5soleilnoir/pseuds/P5soleilnoir
Summary: Goro finds himself in the basement of the Diet Building after the events of the engine room, bleeding out on the floor. Fortunately, someone stumbles upon him just as he is about to pass out. Unfortunately, this person turns out to be Shidou.It will not be long before Goro reevaluates whether this is truly unfortunate.





	1. Change 1 - AFTERMATH

**Author's Note:**

> Thursday night, 8 pm: "Do you guys have a cute idea involving Goro and Shidou"  
Thursday night, 8 pm: "Yeah, take that detailed outline"  
Four hours and about 1600 words later, dead exhausted and sleep deprived: "Th-Thanks"
> 
> This was completely unplanned but I have a dear friend to thank for this first chapter: she basically told me her idea bullet point style and I turned it into a multi-chapter fanfic lol. This will be on the short side though, probably 6-7 chapters at the very most... so still more full-fledged than my regular one-shots. Please enjoy!

The amount of pain the human mind was capable of enduring without shutting down on the spot could truly be staggering at times.  
  
The physical shell could go through the worst ordeals known to mankind, one leg torn apart, ten nails pried away, an arm twisted at an impossible angle, and the mind would still be able to function – although its level of tolerance greatly varied from person to person. The weakest could faint from a bleeding scratch. The toughest could have one of their eyes sliced off only to see their strength of mind rewarded with a cruel, inflexible awareness that would accompany them through a journey of pain; the sweet relief of unconsciousness being but a mere luxury.  
  
Unfortunately, Akechi Goro was part of the second category of those people.  
  
The pain was intolerable, a sensation of extreme heat aimed at his side like a white-hot blade had pierced his skin and was now lodged there. It seemed as though every last fiber of his being was on fire, protesting against the intrusion and responding furiously in kind. But no matter how much blood he spat through a series of sputters, no matter how even the smallest of his fading movements caused a jolt of agony throughout his body, no matter how nauseous he felt, his mind simply refused to give in. He couldn’t faint… couldn’t escape the pain.  
  
Despite himself, Goro found himself give a brief cough of a chuckle. Even in death, he was unlucky – just like he had been unlucky in life.  
  
He would have laughed some more if it didn’t jostle his gushing wound so badly. A sad, pathetic laugh, befitting those who finally resigned themselves to their fate.  
  
Perhaps in an attempt to distract him from the pain or the bite of a great chill fast approaching, his efficient mind suddenly supplied him with several images of his most recent past, each more vivid than the last. Like flipping the pages of a picture book, those images flashed in his mind’s eye, memories he knew would haunt him until his very last, imminent moment. The confrontation with the Phantom Thieves. Losing the upper hand, then finding himself collapse. Being held at gunpoint by his cognitive self. The look of utter dementia in his eyes. The rise of the partition wall. And then…  
  
The torture.  
  
Because this is how it felt like. The torturous stab of the bullet piercing his flesh and remaining there, the torturous metallic smell of blood overwhelming his senses to the point of gagging, the torturous cold layer of sweat dripping through every single pore…  
  
The torturous truth of the fate Shidou had had in store for him.  
  
Goro’s shoulders shook once. Whether with a sob or laughter, the jury was still out.  
  
His heart ached.  
  
It was completely different from the pain of his wound. It was as though a powerful grip had grabbed his heart, twisting it in all directions, tightening around it like a deadly vice.  
  
He wanted to die already.  
  
Some people would call the slight delay to his death a miracle. The fact that his own bullet went cleanly through his double’s forehead. The fact that no Shadow came for him afterward. The fact that the entire Palace seemed to vanish into thin air all around him, reclaimed by its real world counterpart – which turned out to be the Diet Building's basement.  
  
He was more than ready to call this miracle a curse. This way, he wouldn’t feel pain anymore. He wouldn’t feel… anything.  
  
He would be fine with that.  
  
But even though the last ounces of his strength were fading, even though the cold was becoming as unbearable as the pain was starting to remiss, even though his mind was becoming cluttered with white fog, his awareness would remain intact. It refused to back down.  
  
Perhaps because a part of him, very deep down, knew he didn’t truly want to close his eyes just yet. Perhaps because it knew he was lying to himself, no matter how much he thought otherwise. Perhaps because it knew he could never find peace in the eternal darkness if he left the world so soon.  
  
He still had unfinished business to take care of. There was something very important he had to do.  
  
He couldn’t die there. Someone had to help him, anyone.  
  
And if nobody came, then he would have to help himself. Like he had done his entire life.  
  
Slowly, laboriously, Goro dragged his exhausted body to the end of the room where awaited a flight of stairs. He didn’t bother trying to stand up and walk – he knew he would only crumple in a heap again. Each meter passed felt like a veritable ton was tied to his limbs and hindering his movements. Even so, he soon reached the base of the stairs, although he could feel whatever little color left in his face drain away instantly; crawling on flat ground was one thing, climbing a steep one was another. It wasn’t that tall, perhaps twenty to thirty steps in total, but a regular flight of stairs had never seemed so much like a small mountain to him than in that very moment.  
  
It felt like it took him an eternity to reach the middle steps. Panting in exhaustion, Goro allowed himself a moment’s respite and threw a glance over his shoulder at the progress he had already made, only for the expected endorphins to come in the form of a leaping heart instead. The staircase was covered in blood, crimson swipes against pure white marble.  
  
Swallowing with difficulty, Goro picked up the pace… as much as his broken body would allow it, that is. But when he reached the landing was also the moment he reached his limit – his face dropped to the floor, cheek pressed against the cold surface, his heavy breathing the sole source of sound in the otherwise silent room.  
  
He wasn’t going to make it.  
  
He knew, in that instant, that this door would be the last thing he saw. His short life would end right there in this very room, isolated from all, forgotten by the world.  
  
Something warm stung his eyes. Even in those circumstances, he found the strength to blink it away.   
  
But then, a distant, regular thump rang out, and Goro’s eyes opened wide.  
  
He pricked up his ears, trying to focus and make out that sound, so long as his suddenly hammering heart didn’t drown it out… but his efforts eventually paid off. Those were the sounds of footsteps; footsteps that were coming in his direction. A few paces away… Only a couple… And then, an abrupt stop.  
  
Breath held, lips apart, Goro watched as the door before him creaked open, the thin stream of light it set free widening into a large rectangle upon the threshold. A silhouette broke its perfection, standing tall in the doorframe and towering to their full height over him. Immediately, Goro’s instinct took over, but all he managed to rasp was a weak…  
  
“A-Ah… Please… H… elp…”  
  
By way of answer, the figure took a step forward. It was Shidou.  
  
He was gazing down at him, features unfathomable behind those glasses, chin held high but eyes focused only downwards. Like he was looking at a little patch of dirt.  
  
Goro froze. He felt his heart collapse in his chest.  
  
Whatever combativity, whatever will to live still sustained him winked out like a feeble flame caught in a high wind.  
  
He knew it was over. Shidou had come to personally witness that the job was complete. His powerful omniscience and remarkable fixation to see things done properly probably led him to this time and place, guiding him to the final loose end he would need to tie with that frightening, almost supernatural instinct of his.  
  
“W… Well… Are you… happy now…?”  
  
The icy grip of fear upon his core at Shidou’s sight was short-lived. It had gone as fast as it came, replaced nearly instantaneously by defiance – a tiny shred, certainly, matching his imminent death, but still fueled by a very alive spite.  
  
“After all… This is… This is what you wanted… You wanted this… all along…”  
  
Shidou kept silent. Where Goro glared deadly daggers, his face remained entirely motionless.  
  
“Well… Congrat… Congratulations, then…” Goro continued, his shoulders quivering with mirthless laughter. “You did it… You won…”  
  
There were thousands more things he burned to say, spit, yell at him – but at last, his mind succumbed. Goro had yearned for it only moments before… but now, he could have screamed in frustration at this terrible timing if his strength had allowed it, screamed the regrets burdening his heart and die relatively peacefully knowing he managed to pry them all out. Just so he could at least witness anything but this infuriating nothingness permeate that monster of a man’s features.  
  
This was as far as his entire thoughts would go. His head swayed from side to side, disoriented by the sudden blur covering his vision. He tried to speak, mumble anything, and while his lips moved, no sound came out except a quiet exhale of exhaustion.  
  
His heavy eyelids had fluttered close long before his face touched the hard floor. But if he hadn't fainted just yet, he would have definitely noticed… He would have noticed the furrow creasing this cold, impenetrable gaze.  
  
Only Shidou knew what it meant.


	2. Change 2 - FOREIGNER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would focus on my other stories before coming back to this one, but... I was in serious need of father and son fluff those past days. I apologize for those I keep waiting regarding the other stories but I'll definitely come back to them, promise! In the meantime, here's Goro having quite the rude awakening and being utterly confused (but isn't he always in my fics... 😳)

“—and with only a few weeks left, the entirety of Japan is about to leave an era behind. The election is at the heart of all debates, whether from the old or younger generation. Indeed, we noticed a non-negligible increase of interest from the crowd aged 20 to 25 compared to the previous years. How can you explain this sudden surge of involvement?”  
  
“Well, if I had to say, the younger generation is becoming more aware and sensitive to the world of politics as a result of numerous factors. But I believe, and I know people will argue with me about this, that the biggest factor in this exceptional interest lies in the current candidates running for the election themselves. Attracting the attention of the youth as a politician is certainly a skill, requiring not only an appealing program — anyone can promise that — but an overflowing charisma as well. Shidou Masayoshi-san of the United Future Party, for example—”  
  
In a state between slumber and awareness, the first thing that managed to filter into Goro’s mind were voices.  
  
They were unfamiliar, quiet and distant like a murmur, just enough that they could be considered white noise. Goro focused on their sound alone, the meaning of their words lost on his fuzzy brain. One particular mention, however, a name in fact, seemed to glow brighter than the rest across the black sea that was his mind, but it flickered out before he could reach for it, leaving him in utter darkness once more. It wasn’t the unpleasant kind, though – those indistinct voices were akin to waves crashing onto sand or the pattering of a downpour as each droplet hit the ground. It was a soothing treat to his senses, granting him nothing else but absolute tranquility even as he released a long, deep exhale. The warmth wrapped all around him was another source of comfort, but just as he decided to wallow in it and let himself succumb, lulled by the quiet voices… a dull pain seemed for its part to awake within his body, bearable and distant at first, growing increasingly sharp as time ticked on. It grew to such a point that he could feel a frown deepen upon his face alongside a small groan escaping his lips, and this is when Goro knew he was teetering on the edge of full consciousness. Slowly, laboriously, his eyes fluttered open, blinking away the blur encased within his sight before it manifested into the picture of a white ceiling.  
  
Through a half-lidded gaze, Goro frowned once more, his mind trying to shake off the cobwebs of torpor that had settled in. His eyes dragged downward upon a thick blanket covering his body up to his chin, heavy and warm, making him finally realize he was tucked in bed. A bed that he did not recognize, much bigger than his own, just like he did not recognize the room he found himself in. It was especially spacious and well off, the idea of what Goro imagined an upper-class family’s living quarters would look like – thick books sealed behind glass shelves, modern but sophisticated furniture, a large mahogany desk against the wall atop which sat neatly arranged stationary among miscellaneous items, a flat screen TV occupying a large portion of the wall and broadcasting some talkshow, and a man staring at it from a comfortable-looking armchair. Shidou.  
  
Goro felt something flip in his stomach. He sat bolt upright, unwillingly letting out a yelp as a jolt of pain pierced his side in what seemed to be a response to his sudden movement, but the agony was as swift as it had been excruciating. It was already forgotten the next moment, replaced by a thick layer of fear enveloping him and only jumping tenfold as Shidou threw a glance at him over his shoulder, then stood up and edged toward him.  
  
It felt like one more nail was pounded into Goro’s heart with each of Shidou’s steps. His breathing, already strained, quickly broke into a ragged pattern alongside a quickening rise and fall of his chest; his eyes, initially wide, were now narrow with an immediate sense of wariness mingling into his fear. When at last, Shidou stopped by his bedside, Goro couldn't make out any expression on his face – Shidou was merely staring down at him, exactly like he had done upon discovering him in the basement of the Diet Building. And just like back then, it was pure spite that allowed Goro the courage to speak up with such defiance.  
  
“What… are you waiting for?” he asked in a snarling voice as the seconds of silence neared minutes. “Go ahead… Finish me off already.”  
  
Shidou remained imperturbable. The stark contrast in their manners was like night and day.  
  
“You're acting like a child,” he finally said, catching Goro very much off-guard for more than one reason. “Get a hold of yourself.”  
  
Goro blinked, his manner changing on the spot. All of a sudden, the powerful emotions consuming him vanished as if going down a drain, replaced by confusion only.  
  
“Get a hold of…?” he echoed, before his glare came over his expression once more. “Just, just stop wasting both of our times already… and get this over with. That’s what you came to do, isn’t it—”  
  
“Tch… Aren’t you ungrateful,” Shidou cut off, finally sporting a glower of his own. “It wouldn’t make sense to dispose of you now when I went through so much trouble making sure you’d stay alive. Just look at yourself.”  
  
Once again, Goro was taken completely by surprise. His eyes fell downward before his instinct had time to urge him out of mere pettiness not to comply with Shidou's order, widening as they noticed the dressing gown covering his body and more importantly the numerous bandages that peeked out wherever his skin was visible. His arms notably were thoroughly wrapped, as well as what he could see of his torso; the strong pressure constricting his side and head suggested they were the same as well. In the rudeness of his awakening, he had been entirely oblivious to it all.  
  
“Don’t you remember what happened?”  
  
His incomprehension must have shown on his face, for Shidou addressed Goro’s unspoken questions only after a moment spent considering him. “I found you in the basement of the Diet Building. I had a hunch you were there, and I was right. You were bleeding out—a bullet lodged in your side.”  
  
Goro swallowed, instinctively bringing a hand near his waist. He remembered that much, yes – and if he didn’t, then the pain digging at his flesh was certainly an effective reminder. Obviously, there was more to it, however… but Shidou suddenly fell uncharacteristically silent.  
  
“…And then what?” Goro insisted, wariness returning in full force. “What am I doing here?”  
  
“I had our underground surgeon fix you up. Far away from the public eye, of course.”  
  
This time, Goro didn't need to ask for details. There was a remote place hidden between buildings somewhere in Tokyo, little more than a glorified storage room, which the practitioner working under Shidou used as a makeshift clinic each time Goro needed it – usually after a particularly rough trip in the other world.  
  
“Obviously, he couldn’t stay in there to keep an eye on you forever, nor could you be taken to a hospital to recover after the surgery. Hence why I brought you here.”  
  
Shidou’s tone hadn’t changed. It was almost disturbing how difficult it proved to pinpoint a trace of emotion out of it.  
  
“Here…?” Goro asked, although even as he swept his eyes across the room, the beginning of startling realization dawned on him… But that couldn’t be, that was impossible—  
  
“My apartment,” Shidou confirmed, and the bluntness of it was such that Goro was momentarily stunned. “This is the only place where I could keep you hidden from public view while still watching over you.”  
  
“…Of course,” Goro replied once the brunt of registration fully sank in, his bitterness abound in every syllable. “You have to make sure I won’t run away, after all. You'll probably watch me until you—  
  
“I said watch _over _ you. Was your blood loss so severe that you forgot what nuances are?”  
  
Goro could have been slapped across the face with pretty much the same result. He just remained there entirely dumbfounded, at a loss for words like he had rarely been before. Shidou, possibly thinking the matter settled, reached out and Goro startled – but when the large, strong hand came in contact with his torso, it was only to push him into lying down again, the gesture not especially gentle, but still much less rough than what Goro would have expected.  
  
“What… are you doing…?” he asked in pure incomprehension. “Didn’t you want me dead…?”  
  
Shidou paused for the space of a heartbeat. The delay was strange, but Goro didn't truly manage to pick up on it.  
  
“I did.”  
  
The response was hard, swift like a stabbing. Goro already knew the truth, of course, but the sharp wound in his heart stung anew all the same.  
  
“So then… why…?” he insisted, eyes unfocused, shaky voice starting to be punctuated with quiet, desperate laughter. “Why would you go to such lengths to…”  
  
His voice trailed off, like he simply couldn't express the unfathomable with words. This time, however, Shidou didn’t answer immediately. He considered Goro for a long time, gaze narrowing behind his orange-tinted glasses. And then… he spoke.  
  
“Because I realized you could still be useful to me just a little longer. Disposing of you too soon would have been a mistake. This is why I am correcting it right now.”  
  
“…Right,” Goro replied, his shoulders shaking with mirthless snorts again as he painstakingly raised his right arm and hid his eyes beneath the crook. “Of course.”  
  
He didn’t know what he had expected. He didn’t even know what expression might be floating on Shidou’s face right now, and he didn’t care. Essentially, he was being kept prisoner – at Shidou’s entire mercy.  
  
This was the worst-case scenario coming true.  
  
He would rather have bled out on the spot back then, but it seemed even that was a choice out of his reach. Shidou would make sure of it, like he always had.  
  
In the end, he would still remain the puppet dancing in the palm of Shidou’s hand, doing only as the puppetmaster saw fit and nothing else. Freedom was never an option and would never be. Believing otherwise now felt like a truly naive and foolish thought in hindsight. It would be almost funny if it weren't so pathetic.  
  
A pain beyond physical awakened within his core, worlds away from the distant ache upon his body. It was something raw and powerful, tearing him apart from the inside, a kind of despair like he had rarely experienced in those most recent years.  
  
Face still hidden from view, Goro glanced at the large window throning the end of the room. It occupied the entire wall, just like a patio door, behind which extended a balcony and the skyline of Tokyo's high buildings silhouetted against the setting sun. His fists clenched, and he slowly made to sit once more, contemplating his next move.  
  
Submitting to his father's whims all over again was more than he could physically stand. Having strings bound to his limbs once again after he was nearly able to sever them permanently was unacceptable. Something he simply couldn't bear to live with, not after everything that happened, not after hearing the truth from the mouth of that monstrous double of his. He didn’t want this. He didn't want to go back to being a tool, in all the senses of the word. He didn't want to return to those days of being a brainless asset for someone else to take advantage of. He just wanted to… wanted to—  
  
“Put the blanket over yourself already. Do you have any idea how cold the weather has gotten those past weeks?”  
  
Goro’s train of thought was interrupted as rudely as if he had been yelled at, and he hastened to remove his arm.  
However, Shidou hadn’t raised his voice.  
  
He had merely summoned this usual impatience of his, impatience that showed even through his manner while he threw the blanket over Goro himself.  
  
Goro blinked tired, weary eyes.  
  
“Try to sleep. I’ll check up on you later.”  
  
With this last command, Shidou skirted around the bedside and exited the room, closing the door quietly behind him. The distinct absence of the telltale click made it clear he left it unlocked.  
  
Goro stared vacantly at the door, focusing on the sound of Shidou’s footsteps on the other side before they grew too faint to be heard. He felt immensely drained for some reason – either because of this whole strange encounter, or perhaps simply because of his weak condition. He couldn’t tell for sure.  
  
His eyelids were fluttering closed either way.  
  
Even so, the vision of Shidou throwing the blanket properly over his body wouldn’t leave Goro’s foggy mind. It seemed branded into his every last cell, as though scorched using a white-hot blade and yet, Goro couldn’t help but wonder if this entire interaction hadn’t been a mere mirage conjured up by his imagination.  
  
Because this Shidou Masayoshi he just witnessed wore that regular face of his, spoke in the same mannerisms, summoned this usual bite and impatience in his tone, and yet…  
  
Goro had never felt so much like he was talking to a complete foreigner than in that very moment.


	3. Change 3 - PAINKILLER

It was raining when Goro woke up.  
  
His sense of hearing, heightened by his lack of sight, picked up on the perpetual rhythm outside tenfold – every single droplet hammering over his surroundings, tapping against the windowpane behind which promised a greyish sky. Goro listened to it intently, letting it indulge his senses even as his eyes remained firmly shut. He wanted to plunge and wallow in this sound, an endless lullaby that could have definitely brought him some peace of mind… were it not for the fact that his brain, now free from the short relief of unconsciousness, was already back to being overwhelmed with a number of thoughts too great to be pacified.  
  
He didn’t truly know how much time passed since he was awake last, but where the truth was probably something alongside hours, a part of him was convinced it had to be a matter of minutes. In his mind’s eye, he saw it all: the distant pain across his body, the warmth enveloping him, the large and luxurious bedroom, the sound of the TV report in the background… and Shidou.  
  
The strange air of unfamiliarity around him. The way he pushed him back against the mattress. His impatience when he threw the blanket over him again.  
  
Goro’s chest rose alongside a great inspiration, and he slowly opened his eyes.  
  
The room was just as he saw it before falling asleep. The shelves, the desk, the lounging area around the TV, there was nothing out of place as far as he could tell. Only the scenery beyond the balcony window had changed, although far from the dull grey Goro had envisioned – the sun was setting, a vivid dot against the colorful hues of the pink, orange and blue clouds that circled it. In the nearest distance, the sky was tinged a grim navy, almost black shade; the origin of the hard rain, but also the inestimable contrast to the sunset’s glory. The layer of droplets speckling the glass did nothing to temper the beautiful view. If anything, it enhanced it.  
  
Goro stared, features unfathomable. Shidou’s apartment truly matched the kind of man he was – a god in the making, towering and ruling over the rest of the world from the height of his throne.  
  
…And now, Goro lay there, on the king’s throne itself, lost and confused like a long-enduring buffoon would be upon being told overnight to take a seat beside the very royalty they had danced in the palm of their entire life. But unlike this privileged buffoon, Goro knew he was in no such luck.  
_  
__“Because I realized you could still be useful to me just a little longer. Disposing of you too soon would have been a mistake. This is why I am correcting it right now.”__  
__  
_Shidou’s voice rang across his ears like he were right there in the room, repeating those cursed words again – and Goro’s fists clenched to the point of physical pain.  
  
To hell with Shidou. To hell with this fate he had in store for him. To hell with being kept prisoner, being stripped of his free will, being denied even the liberating relief of death. To hell with that disconcertingly foreign act, to hell with that blanket he threw over him, to hell with Shidou having him rest in his own apartment, like he was the most precious of guests, completely welcome in his very home…  
  
His decision was set. The next moment, he was leaping to his feet and toward the balcony, as though he would get cold feet and betray his own resolve if he didn’t run. It was a strange experience, almost like he were flying, flying toward it, reaching toward true freedom – nothing seemed to matter in that one moment, nothing but this powerful sensation, exhilarating force driving him forward, the balcony door yielded easily and he was greeted by the wonderful cold air and cool drops of rain peppering his face. He jumped forward, halfway to climbing over the railing, that was it, the final string was about to be cut forever—  
  
His momentum was severed so brusquely he was already stunned long before being tossed hard into the bedroom again. His brain managed to connect each dot together, but only after a delay – somebody had grabbed his arm, still clutching it in a vice-like grip even now, and seemed intent on not letting go. Goro immediately struggled on instinct, but when that imperious tone confronted him, he found himself instinctively still.  
  
“What in the world do you think you’re doing…?”  
  
Shidou hadn’t raised his voice – it came barely louder than a whisper. But there was a hint of a dangerous, threatening growl to it, akin to the ominous whistling of the wind announcing a thunderous storm. His face was close, level with Goro’s in fact, allowing him to peer into those amber eyes; thin like slits and speaking of disbelief and outrage in equal parts. Hardly surprising; Shidou couldn’t bear the loss of his precious little puppet after all, not when he apparently still had plenty in store for it…  
  
Goro’s eyes opened wide, this time not in shock. Determination lending him strength that shouldn’t be, he thrashed, squirmed and writhed away, desperate to wrench himself free from Shidou’s grasp. But to no avail.  
  
“Let go!” he snarled, frustration quickly rising as Shidou showed no sign of complying anytime soon. “Let go of me!”  
  
“So that you can actually jump from the top floor this time?” Shidou snapped back, finally releasing Goro’s arm only to grab him by his shoulders in both hands, forcing his struggles to fade despite Goro’s will. “You are a fool.”  
  
If Shidou hoped to quell him down, then he was sorely mistaken at best, outright delusional at worst. With a groan, Goro tossed back and forth even harder, but it wasn’t Shidou’s strong hold that finally had him pause. A swift, searing pain had suddenly torn at his side, causing his verbal fury meant for Shidou to come out as a whimper instead. Without thinking, he pressed a hand to his side – it was immediately soaked in blood.  
  
“All your struggling has reopened your wound,” Shidou barked before Goro could even comprehend it himself, his glare fixed upon Goro’s reddening dressing gown. “Truly foolish through and through…”  
  
And before Goro had time to register the words and react with the proper indignation they warranted, he was already being lifted in Shidou’s arms and carried to the bed; rather than throwing him on the mattress, Shidou laid him there much more gently than Goro would have expected. He supposed Shidou didn’t wish to jostle his injury any more than he himself already did, but the consideration was so strange, so unlike Shidou once again, all Goro could do was blink.  
  
“You stay there—not a word out of you,” Shidou barked as Goro opened his mouth furiously at the command, cutting him short. “You will probably have to go under the knife again, barely a day after your initial surgery. You are wasting great time and effort that aren't yours, I hope you are aware of that.”  
  
Goro really wanted to say he couldn’t care less about wasting anyone’s time and effort, but another jolt of pain digging at his side stole his speech away before he could make his thoughts manifest. He squeezed his eyes shut, teeth clenched so hard to the point of discomfort. It was like his wound was burning white-hot, twisted by a serrated knife, every single nerve located around it screaming in protest like one. He could feel Shidou's intent stare upon him for what felt like long minutes, and then…  
  
“Here.”  
  
While the sound of foil tearing open echoed, Goro cracked one eye open, dragging it warily to Shidou. He was dropping, alongside a towel, a small item on the nightstand – something Goro’s overwhelmed brain took some time to recognize as a pill.  
  
“This is what the surgeon advised you take if the pain becomes unbearable. Keep this under your tongue until it completely dissolves. The pain should fade somewhat before long.”  
  
“I… don’t want it…” Goro groaned even while knowing just how foolish he was for sacrificing his own comfort in favor of stubborn spite; he was merely backing up Shidou’s judgement of him. Given Shidou’s expression, he seemed to think the same, but the inevitable quip surprisingly never came up.  
  
“…Suit yourself,” was all he said instead, before grabbing a tiny remote nearby and pushing one of its buttons; immediately, the beautiful sunset disappeared, vanishing behind the automatic shutter that slowly crept down the windowpane with a grind. Goro stared at it like watching a betrayal, eyes narrow and brows knitted closely together.  
  
“I’ll give our surgeon a call. With a bit of luck, he won’t need you to make a trip to his hideout. Don’t you dare try anything stupid, you’ve already ridiculed yourself enough as it is.”  
  
Goro would have responded with a snapping remark of his own if he didn’t have to deal with his excruciating pain all the while. As Shidou left the room, he merely turned and twisted, desperately trying to ignore it, but he soon had to accept mere willpower couldn’t cancel the sensation of torn, jostled flesh plaguing his body. Despite himself, he shot the pill a glance from the corner of his eye.  
  
_Dammit…__  
__  
_Cursing Shidou for having him at his beck and call once again and himself for playing right into his hands, Goro laboriously reached for the pill and reluctantly popped it under his tongue. It didn’t take long to take effect, much to his ever-rising frustration; by the time it completely melted, he only felt mere, tolerable discomfort at worst. All thanks to Shidou’s mercy.  
  
He hated him.  
  
He would never forgive him.  
  
Shidou was toying with him again. Like he had always done. Like he would always do.  
  
Crimson rage painted at his very core, and a dangerous snarl flashed across Goro’s face. However, he could do nothing to appease the terrible emotion suddenly possessing him, nothing to quench this hatred his mind conjured as it went haywire.  
  
If Shidou wouldn’t let him die, then the only solution was to kill him instead. But Goro knew that was not an option, not when he was in such a sorry state. Although, perhaps when he recovered enough strength, he might be able to—  
  
The sound of the door opening without warning yanked him out of his thoughts, and Goro threw Shidou a look of absolute contempt. It was received with complete indifference.  
  
“He’ll be here in half an hour. He wasn’t too impressed with your stunt, especially as he is very busy,” Shidou said bluntly as he approached his bedside, but Goro responded only with a petulant grunt. Shidou, however, clearly cared little; he was throwing the nightstand an askew look.  
  
“So you took it?” he asked as his gaze fell on Goro again, who decided not to meet it altogether before he changed his mind, a wave of defiance washing over him.  
  
“…I did,” he answered, his unwavering stare at Shidou almost spelling out what his mind screamed: _“So what?”__  
__  
_But Shidou didn’t mock him (Goro couldn’t help but feel disappointed at this, as he was very much in the mood to jump down Shidou’s throat and this was the perfect excuse to do so), and simply replied, “At last, some common sense.”  
  
Goro blinked, but by the time an acceptable comeback dawned on him, the matter was already long settled, at least in Shidou’s eyes: he had walked to his shelf and selected a bottle among the dozens of fancy liquors he preserved. The next moment, he was pouring himself the tiniest of glasses, and made himself comfortable in the very armchair Goro saw him occupy when he first woke up.  
  
All Goro could do was observe him, as if caught in a trance. The powerful emotions eating at him seemed to relent slightly, sucked into the incongruity of it all. There was something captivating about the way Shidou acted, so subtly different from the ruthless man he had come to know that he momentarily forgot about his fury to let his brain be flooded by an urge to address why, just why Shidou was behaving so strangely, so _human. _And so, the first thing Goro found to say to at least scratch the surface of the mountain he wanted to uncover was…  
  
“…That’s your bedroom, right?” he asked, sweeping his eyes slowly across the surroundings. Shidou cast him a glance over his shoulder before focusing elsewhere again.  
  
“It is.”  
  
“And so… You’re letting me use your own bed to rest.”  
  
“I am.”  
  
Shidou’s supreme lack of concern was frustrating. Clearly, he found nothing wrong with that turn of events – even though everything was wrong with that turn of events. Goro straightened up slightly, unsure how to proceed. It seemed that no matter what Shidou would say, he would always find a way to take him aback. In the end, a deafening silence filled the room, long to the point of being uncomfortable.  
  
“…I failed to get rid of the Phantom Thieves.”  
  
Goro hadn’t truly meant to confess it. It had come out spontaneously, just like one would discuss the weather to break the ice. Shidou didn’t say anything, but the way he turned slightly toward him was an obvious hint Goro had his full attention.  
  
“You were right to feel concerned. Their leader managed to deceive me and escape death. They were tampering with your Palace even as we spoke on the phone the other day.”  
  
Goro paused, searching Shidou’s gaze for any trace of emotion, only to find none. When he went on, he spoke slowly, each word carefully chosen.  
  
“And so, I went into your Palace to correct my carelessness and dispatch them once and for all… but in the end, they got the upper hand. Except they never threatened my life itself—they only meant to neutralize me.”  
  
“But you still came back with a bullet in your side,” Shidou remarked matter-of-factly. Goro peered at him, his features unchanging.  
  
“Yes… Because of you, I suppose.”  
  
The raised eyebrow on Shidou’s part was so little that Goro might have been imagining it. Even so, this display of a true reaction, tiny as it was, was enough to push him forward.  
  
“The Phantom Thieves weren’t the ones to shoot me. It was a cognition born from your mind, exactly like Isshiki Wakaba’s research mentioned… a cognition wearing my face.”  
  
Shidou stayed silent. His head was now turned away from Goro, facing the other side of the room. But Goro knew he was listening.  
  
“And that cognition said… that in your eyes, I was always nothing but a brainless puppet. That I would be ready to shoulder any sin as many times as you needed… That I would willingly die for your sake, too,” he explained, ignoring the tinge of pain in his heart at the memory. “He also mentioned… how you were planning to dispose of me all along the moment you’d become Prime Minister.”  
  
“…So that’s how you found that out,” Shidou replied, staring at his half-empty glass. “I was wondering earlier how you knew.”  
  
“You’re not denying it, then?” Goro asked, still on the lookout for Shidou’s body language to betray something other than utter nothingness. Shidou answered with a scoff.  
  
“Hmph, why would I. By going in my Palace, you witnessed the deepest parts of my psyche. There would be no point in pretending that what you saw was a lie, considering the nature of this world.”

Goro kept quiet for a moment. For once, he found Shidou acted very much in character – his response made sense, befitting how practical of a man he was.  
  
“…Yes. You're right,” he finally said, his bitterness palpable. But it softened then, tinged with the smallest shade of timidity. “This is why I… I can't understand why you are acting like this.”  
  
At last, he managed to meet that gaze. Shidou was staring at him – merely from the corner of his eye, but it was undeniable.  
  
“Saving me while I am bleeding out… Having my injuries taken care of… Letting me into your home to recover, of all places… and so on. I… don’t understand.”  
  
“I believe I already told you why,” Shidou responded sharply. Goro felt stung again, but managed not to let it show.  
  
“Yes—because you still need me. But that doesn’t explain why…”  
  
Goro paused. When he went on, everything about him, from his manner to his speech, suggested a young child.  
  
“…Why you are acting like… like you _ care…” _  
  
The final word ended on a whisper, so much that Goro wondered if it had been heard. Gaze downcast, it took him several long seconds before he dared look up and meet Shidou’s. But like always, it was unreadable.  
  
“You are imagining things. Stop spouting nonsense already.”  
  
It felt like a whiplash cracked the air, and Goro couldn’t help but flinch. Shidou might not have noticed, but if he did, he evidently didn’t care.  
  
“…He’s here,” he said as he consulted his phone, which had buzzed with a new notification. “Let’s make this quick.”  
  
With this, he stood up and headed for the door – but not before pausing and throwing Goro the most cutting of glares. Almost like he was going to scold him.  
  
“I don’t know what that stunt of yours earlier was all about, but I strongly advise you for your own sake not to try anything stupid of the sort ever again, let alone even entertain whatever foolish idea crosses your mind. Don’t you disappoint me.”  
  
A long, heavy silence followed once he left the room. Goro’s gaze was hard and indecipherable, with only the crease between his brows to offer a hint of the emotions inhabiting his mind in that moment. He didn’t speak anymore after that, not even when the surgeon entered the room, not even when the syringe sank into the crook of his arm; not even when his eyelids grew heavier by the minute. No matter what, however, as everything went dark, the last thing he saw was Shidou.  
  
…Goro believed it was no longer raining when he woke up. Or rather, when he simply crossed the threshold beyond deep slumber, but before full awareness.  
  
He couldn’t open his eyes, not just yet – his lids felt like they weighed a ton. While he suspected at least several hours had passed since he was given the anesthetic, its effects were still going rather strong. He couldn’t move a muscle even if he tried, like he was being physically restrained, as though lethargy had claimed his faculty to control his body. His limbs, his head, his mind, it all felt numb. Limp and lifeless, just like a puppet.  
  
A discarded one.  
  
A very slight jolt of surprise laced with confusion managed to worm into his foggy brain when he distantly felt something palming the back of his head and holding it up, something warm and large. He might have realized it was a hand if he had been able, but by the time he attempted to grasp this answer, another, even stranger sensation was registered. The sensation of an object being brought to his mouth, followed by something fresh touching his lips – water.  
  
Instinctively, Goro took a few slow, controlled gulps, only now realizing how thirsty he was, how dry his lips felt. Whoever was helping him drink did it with meticulous care, lowering the bottle each time they noticed Goro needed a break before resuming their aid. When at last, Goro stopped ingesting altogether, the bottle was taken away and presumably left on the nightstand, judging by the small thud Goro managed to pick up on his left. His head was then gently laid down against the pillow, the hand that held it slipping from underneath his hair.  
  
Goro released a long sigh, already drifting off to genuine sleep again. He was exhausted, taxed emotionally just as physically – but for the first time since he came back from the Palace, the faintest trace of peace could be seen hovering upon his face.


	4. Change 4 - FEVERISH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little heads-up: I made [a Discord server](https://discord.gg/Fp73tTP) dedicated to my stories, so feel free to join if you're interested in discussing them with me or future ideas/plots/sneak peeks and such! The more the merrier <3

Goro woke up with a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead.  
  
He took a deep breath, his eyes opening little by little all the while until they captured this now familiar ceiling in its entirety. His body felt warm and stiff, like one would experience upon sleeping in an uncomfortable position; wrinkles contorted his face when he shifted a bit to try and ease the soreness of his limbs away.  
  
He couldn’t remember what happened after the anesthetic was injected into his veins. Not that it was surprising, considering he lost consciousness at once – but a tiny part of him, somehow, was convinced that he had briefly woken up later on. Beyond that, he didn’t have the slightest clue.  
  
Feeling a bit confused and groggy, Goro glanced to his left, noticing a bottle of water that definitely wasn’t there before he fell asleep. It was about a third full.  
  
Goro blinked at it, slowly. A moment passed before he finally averted his eyes.  
  
It felt uncomfortably warm underneath the covers. Goro pulled them away, registering how his dressing gown stuck to his skin like a second layer. The contact of air against his bare chest as he opened his gown slightly provided little relief – it only served to cover the visible skin in goosebumps. Goro looked at himself, noticing the pristine bandages wrapped around his side. They felt abnormally tight, to the point of constricting him; Goro couldn’t help but wonder with a certain sarcastic air if this was the surgeon’s way of getting back at him for making his job much more complicated than it already was. He found he cared little either way.  
  
However familiar the room now was, he still couldn’t bring himself to get used to it.  
  
He couldn’t get used to waking up in this bed, tired gaze falling on every single detail around, always standing at the exact same spot they did before he closed his eyes.  
  
He couldn’t comprehend this situation, no matter what. The moment he was torn from the sweet relief of unconsciousness, his mind was already swarmed by the maelstrom of confusion once more, each question tearing through his head like bullets.  
  
_ What’s Shidou’s deal already? Why isn’t he finishing me off? Why is he acting so strangely? What does he want from me? Why— _ _  
_ _  
_ In truth, Goro knew the answer to most of these. Shidou hadn’t been exactly cryptic when he said the reason he kept Goro around was because he still needed him – or rather his services, Goro corrected bitterly – a little longer. It was a logical course of action, really: Shidou was all about squeezing his resources for all their worth to the very last drop, never one to leave things halfway done. And Goro, used up as he was, was a resource that hadn’t been exhausted yet – that much they both knew. And besides…  
  
_ “Captain Shidou’s orders… He has no need for the fallen.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, before I forget… A message from the captain to you. ‘Here’s your repayment for causing the mental shutdowns.’” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Your motto is ‘For someone else's sake,’ right? Oh, it's the same as me. If it's for my captain, I'm willing to shoulder any sin as many times as he needs. This includes dying for him, too.” _ _  
_ _  
_ Goro’s jaw tensed. He could almost hear this unhinged, demented laugh echo in the back of his head, each note swift and scarring like the blade of a knife upon his heart. He shook his head, as if trying to clear the clutter within, and while the painful memories blurred ever so slightly, their roots sank deep and would remain that way.  
  
_ “That’s right, I’m a puppet. I’ll do anything.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “But if I’m a puppet… then the true puppet is you, isn’t it?” _  
  
Goro didn’t want to be anyone’s puppet anymore.  
  
Which is why he couldn’t make heads or tails of whatever was going on in Shidou’s mind.  
  
Since Shidou himself told him whatever he saw in his Palace had to speak the truth, wouldn’t that contradict this claim that he still needed him? Didn’t Shidou want him dead? Then why tell him he needed him still? Was that a lie? Could it be true after all? Or…  
  
Goro gave a great sigh, unsure how and what to feel anymore. It all was too overbearing, too complicated; too confusing. As far as he was concerned, staying in bed forever in a state between awareness and unconsciousness seemed the best prospect he could ever ask for in that moment.  
  
His body was too weak to allow him to do anything else, anyway.  
  
Brushing his damp bangs out of his eyes, Goro turned to his side, hissing through the pain his nerves sent to his brain in retaliation to the unwelcome shift. He wasn’t sure why he felt so cold all of a sudden despite the heat sending his body into a sweaty mess, or perhaps he had been too busy brooding over his thoughts to notice. Shivers ran all over his frame, goosebumps seemed to permeate his skin even beneath his bandages, and the thin hairs upon his limbs were standing on end.  
  
He really, _ really, _ felt terrible.  
  
Too hot, too cold, too tired – his stomach gave a very loud rumble – and hungry to boot.  
  
Letting out a groan, Goro swaddled himself into his covers and disappeared underneath. It took what felt like hours before his storming thoughts finally cleared enough for him to get some relative rest, but Goro wondered if he managed any at all, for the small clatter that rang out beside him seemed to echo only mere seconds after he tipped into slumber. Gingerly, he peeked out of the covers, his wary gaze instantaneously shifting to one of surprise as it stopped on the tray upon the nightstand, and more specifically the veritable feast it carried.  
  
“What the…” he muttered as he straightened up, his astonishment climbing one more step with each plate his sight fell on. Mushroom and cream pasta, vegetable salad, chicken soup, fresh fruit, it all looked as pleasing to the eye as it did to his sense of smell, like a meal freshly sent out of a renowned chef’s kitchen. Shidou’s appearance left him entirely unfazed by comparison – as though this was already becoming commonplace.  
  
“That can’t be for me… can it?” he went on as he lifted a wary gaze at Shidou, who was popping up another painkiller off its aluminum sheet and leaving it on the tray.  
  
“Of course it is—who else could it be for?” Shidou barked in return, and Goro wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or not that his voice was dripping with this characteristic, familiar impatience of his. “It’s been two days since you woke up after your first surgery, and while you slept through most of it, I’d rather not have you starve to death in my own apartment. Eat up.”  
  
And just like that, Shidou handed him the largest plate of the bunch, quirking an eyebrow as Goro merely stared mouth agape instead of taking it.  
  
This couldn’t be happening.  
  
It had to be a dream – an insane, absurd, ridiculous one.  
  
A long trail of sweat rolled down Goro’s back.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Shidou asked after a short silence, his words terse and brisk. “I don’t have all the time in the world.”  
  
“What’s wrong? _ What’s wrong…?” _ Goro echoed, eyes unfocused and head swaying slightly. “Are you serious… Are you really asking…”  
  
Cracks ran along the surface of his precarious grip on his sanity, akin to a pane of glass shattering in a thousand fragments before a nudge made it all collapse. And if Goro’s current state of mind was the glass, then Shidou was the nudge – the one bump to smash the floodgates and let the water rush through in an overwhelming tidal wave.  
  
A mere moment later, the plate Shidou was holding was sent flying, shattering all over the nearest shelf as it broke on impact.  
  
“What in the world is wrong with you?! Do you even hear yourself?!” Goro exploded, suddenly possessed by a wave of anger so intense it left him blind for a split second. “What the hell are we doing—playing house?! Just, just what’s going on?!”  
  
Consumed, Goro reached out and knocked the tray off the nightstand in a violent motion, resulting in the food splattering everywhere on the floor. But loud as the crashing sound was, it might as well have been a chime next to Goro’s roar of a voice.  
  
“I just—I just can’t understand what you’re playing at! You want to get rid of me all along but wait, actually you want to keep me around just a little bit longer before finishing me off! But then you drill it deep in about how everything I saw in your Palace was a correct reflection of your true thoughts! So which one is it?!”  
  
Goro’s teeth were clenched to the point of physical pain, but he was entirely oblivious to it. The white rage controlling him had long reached past its boiling point, sending blood pumping furiously through his veins.  
  
“And then you go and do these, these kinds of things—these things that make no sense at all…” he went on, his frenzy noticeably slowing down, as if his outburst had drained his energy away before a renewed spark of outrage fueled it once more. “Acting like a, like a devoted _ parent, _ like there’s nothing wrong at all, like this entire situation is completely normal! And you dare tell me that I’m imagining things, that ‘I’m spouting nonsense’ to quote your words! Then how the hell do you explain this?!”  
  
With a trembling hand, Goro pointed at the remains of the food tray. It seemed a literal stain upon the otherwise immaculate room.  
  
“I don’t get it…” he continued after a brief silence, finally letting his gaze fall to his lap. “I just don’t get why you’re acting like this… My entire life I’ve been chasing after you, wondering what I did wrong—and when I finally meet you in person, all I see is some complete scum of a man, exactly like I thought the whole time! A corrupt, rotten, despicable human being who’s conspiring against the entire country for his own gain! And I accepted that, I really did, I made peace with the fact that I shouldn't expect anything from you! But then you, you show up again and start turning everything upside down by acting like a somewhat decent father out of nowhere, like you actually do give a damn about me after all—”  
  
Goro cut himself off with a gasp, blood draining from his face at the realization that he said too much. His stomach churned, overwhelming him with a sudden urge to vomit, while his hands shook beyond his control. His eyes, completely vacant and avoiding Shidou’s gaze, were part of the distress written all over his expression.  
  
For a moment, there was only silence. He could feel Shidou’s stare upon him, piercing, burning, giving him the impression he was being dissected. Then, he picked up the sound of footsteps tapping against the floor, prompting Goro to lift wary, incredulous eyes at him. Shidou had crouched down and was now gathering the plates and bowls around onto the tray, picking up the biggest shards of the one Goro had smashed to pieces. Then, without looking at him, Shidou straightened up and paced a few steps toward the exit, then stopped.  
  
“You have a fever.”  
  
Time paused.  
  
Goro blinked once, then twice. Dumbfounded beyond measure.  
  
Some part of him wondered whether he had truly heard.  
  
“A fe—a fever—who cares about—you’ve got to be kidding me—” he stammered, sensing beads of sweat dripping off his face. _ “Just answer me, goddammit!”  
  
_ His voice had risen to a howl, even as he threw the water bottle on the nightstand across the room with all the strength he could manage still. He grasped the sides of his head hard, flecks of spit flying off his mouth with each of his verbal blasts.   
  
“Fever or not—who gives a damn?! Why do you keep dancing around the issue?! Why won't you acknowledge that… that…”  
  
“That I'm treating you like my own son—as it should be?”  
  
For a moment, Goro's speech was stolen away. All he could do was gape, baffled like one would be after finding themselves on the receiving end of an unexpected, violent slap. The wild outburst possessing him vanished just as fast as it came to an eerie degree.  
  
Surprisingly, amazingly even to himself, Goro found a smile tug at his lips. A crooked, wry smirk that was entirely mirthless, but the corners of his mouth were curved all the same.   
  
“Ha… I slipped up, didn't I. Seems that the cat is out of the bag—”   
  
“It has been for a long time already.”  
  
The retort took a very long time to sink in. Goro's smirk faded, replaced by a disbelief out of this world. Deep inside, his heart began to jerk wildly once more. “What…?”  
  
Shidou remained silent. Perhaps in an urge to fill out the cruel blanks out of self-preservation, perhaps in a true necessity to provide what Shidou wouldn't give him at the risk of his mind breaking down otherwise, Goro's brain conjured up the missing filament to connect the dots all on its own. His voice sounded distant even to himself when he finally found it back, hardly higher than a blank, emotionless whisper.  
  
“Don't tell me… You knew…? You knew that I was your… your…”   
  
“I suspected as much,” came Shidou's curt, short, unwavering reply. “Ever since you presented yourself to me two and a half years ago. You've got that woman's looks.”  
  
Something inside of Goro stopped.  
  
He made some pitiful noise, halfway between a gasp and a whimper. His mind seemed to cloud in that moment, stripping him of even the ability to think. Pins and needles pricked his sweaty palms, tingling like he never felt it before.  
  
“But… If you knew, then…” Goro muttered, voice, face, eyes all strangely vacant. “Why did you never address it…?”  
  
“I saw no need for it. Our connection was founded on you providing a service and myself using it as I please. Anything else was unnecessary—mere insignificant details at best, great nuisances at worst.”  
  
Goro looked up. For the first time, Shidou was staring down directly at him, eyes narrow behind his shades.  
  
“Besides, I could ask you the same thing. Why did you never bring it up yourself?” Shidou inquired imperiously, before a smirk played upon his lips. “Could it be because your plan depended on it, or something along those lines?”  
  
Goro felt his heart jump to his throat. All around, he could see the walls closing in.  
  
“I… have no idea what you’re talking about…” he muttered, all too aware Shidou would see through his lie right away.  
  
“Hmph. Don’t take me for a fool. ‘Resonating with my ideals,’ ‘wishing for the good of Japan’—those were nothing but ready-to-use reasons you played in order to deceive me and make me believe you were on my side. In truth, your intent lay elsewhere, it always did. No matter how good of an actor you are, I could see through you—I could see the hatred in your eyes before you repressed it again.”  
  
His smirk had long since vanished, replaced by an intimidating gaze that matched the sharpness of his words. Each of them felt like one more slash of a knife upon Goro’s very being, powered all the more by the incontestable truth of Shidou’s words. He wanted to scream, to run, to vomit, to cover his ears. But there was no escape.  
  
“And anyone could put two and two together and figure out it was our connection that fueled this hatred toward me,” Shidou went on, ruthless, strapped down by no self-imposed inhibitions. “It was blatant.”  
  
All of a sudden, Goro’s eyes opened wide. A powerful emotion surged deep within, sweeping everything in its way.  
  
“So you admit it…?” he rumbled, feeling the preludes to rage starting to boil. “You admit to being the scum of the earth—to being some lowlife of a man that I'm supposed to call _ father?”  
  
_Goro was shaking, this time not because of the cold shivers. He snarled at Shidou, burning to prove him right, yearning to drill into his head just how much he hated him, despised him, couldn’t stand him, wanted to make him pay… no matter the cost…  
  
A long silence went by, so thick and heavy it could be sliced with a knife. They stared at each other, maroon eyes meeting amber ones, strikingly similar in their narrowed shapes.  
  
“I’ll admit that you were never an intended part of my life, yes.”  
  
Goro’s head briefly went light.  
  
His vision faded to black for a split second before returning to normal.  
  
He knew, of course. He had always known – this was no secret. This belief had been his drive all along, his fuel to reach his goal and triumph, rule over Shidou and make him experience the very same kind of despair he himself had been forced to endure his entire life. What Shidou wouldn’t give, he would give back all right; his wrath as full and tenfold as Shidou’s acceptance of his responsibility was null and empty.  
  
He knew, but hearing it officially confirmed aloud without so much as a split second of hesitation stabbed him all the same.  
  
Shidou, for his part, merely smirked in cruel amusement again.  
  
“This secret intent of yours wasn't entirely devoid of interest at any rate. Watching you play this game of cat and mouse all on your own while deluding yourself into thinking there even was a game in the first place was rather entertaining. It would have been a shame to speak up and cut it short so soon.”  
  
“You bastard…” Goro whispered between ground teeth, which left Shidou clearly unimpressed. Neither the traces of the vicious snarl emerging upon Goro's features nor the way his fists clenched to the point of turning white fazed him much. The next moment, Shidou was heading toward the exit, his brow creased with furrows of disapproval.  
  
“To think I went through the trouble of getting this meal ready by a personal chef, and it ends up on the floor after some silly temper tantrum… I’m not sure I should bother anymore at this rate.”  
  
But Goro wasn’t listening any longer, nor did he even care to do so. He felt strangely withdrawn from the world in that moment, like he wasn’t truly part of it anymore. His ragged breathing accompanied the quick rise and fall of his chest, until at last, the enormity of the realization sank in for good, finally free to overtake him now that the adrenaline was beginning to wear off.  
  
Shidou knew about his origins all along. Shidou knew he was planning to trap him in a desire for retribution. Shidou knew, and didn't care – not more than he cared about a pebble on the side of the road.  
  
It drained everything out of him, the words, the strength, the will – reducing him to an empty shell of mere flesh and bones.  
  
Inside of him, something had broken.  
  
Goro let himself fall backward onto the mattress and shielded his eyes in the crook of his arm, finally admitting defeat; finally surrendering. He had been played like a fiddle through and through, even more so than he had believed, much beyond the painful revelation that his cognitive double had so eagerly shared. Knowing Shidou had planned to get rid of him all along seemed like an insignificant fact by comparison, a mere slap on the wrist as opposed to the formidable punch knocking the air out of his lungs. Shidou hadn’t been one step ahead. He had been miles.  
  
Goro’s shoulders shook. Then, slowly, the sound of broken laughter filled the silence.  
  
Footsteps came and went, receding for several minutes, until Goro heard them back again. They were tapping louder and louder, the presence they carried mere meters away, until they stopped.  
  
Goro was still hiding his eyes, but he could tell Shidou was standing right by his side, surveying him. He remained entirely motionless anyway, left with no care to give about anything anymore.  
  
Even the sensation of his bangs being brushed aside and the sudden coolness pressing upon his forehead didn't elicit much of a reaction out of him. Rather than startling, gasping, or even sitting bolt upright, a vague questioning trace wormed its way into his mind and features. Slowly, Goro removed his arm from his eyes, weak fingers grazing what seemed to be a small compress wet with fresh water.  
  
“What… are you doing…?” he asked, even though he perfectly knew. But it was too unfathomable, completely against nature itself; this is why hearing it from Shidou's own mouth might make it easier to comprehend and process.  
  
“Like I said, you have a fever. It’s not exactly hard to tell,” Shidou replied impatiently, like Goro was an idiot for even asking. “Probably because of your stupid stunt in the rain—and I suppose you didn't use the towel I provided you with to dry yourself off. That added to your wounds, exhaustion, and surgeries, doesn’t help your general condition. This is why I’d rather have it gone as soon as possible.”  
  
Goro snorted. Of course it was always a question of practicality when it came to him. The longer he was out of commission, the longer Shidou had to wait before being able to guide his permanently stained hands again.  
  
In one swift motion, Shidou threw the blankets over Goro up to his chin, who seized the close proximity to observe his face. The severe crease to his brow was there as always, a deep line that seemed forever frozen upon his face. Beyond the shades, however, was a gaze Goro wasn't really sure how to interpret.  
  
“Why are you doing this…?” he inquired once more, all too aware he was fighting a long lost battle. “You even brought another plate of food and water…”   
  
Shidou threw the plate and bottle an askew glance, so brief it might not have happened. Goro, however, didn't fail to miss it.  
  
“You said it's been two days since my first surgery… Could it be they succeeded? They really changed—”   
  
“They didn't.”  
  
“But then—_why?” _Goro insisted, a bit taken aback and unable to suppress the very audible note of desperation in his voice. “Why go through all the trouble of taking care of me when you’re going to finish me off later—why not at least leave it to a henchman—”   
  
“This isn't the sort of task I would trust anyone to do but myself.”  
  
Goro would have groaned in extreme frustration if he hadn’t felt too exhausted to produce so much as a sound. He really was a fool for bothering, he chided himself, this discussion was going nowhere—  
  
“And I don’t recall saying anything about finishing you off. Don’t put words in my mouth.”  
  
As Goro’s heart leapt in surprise, Shidou took a step back and dropped a couple of pills next to his plate, alongside another painkiller to make up for the one that ended on the floor.   
  
“Medicine. Take it with your meal.”  
  
“…I'm not hungry,” Goro said petulantly, making a great effort to ignore how loud his forgotten stomach rumbled at the mention of food. Shidou's gaze lingered on him for a very long time because he finally gave a snort.  
  
“Hmph. Suit yourself.”  
  
The way he closed the door behind him upon leaving was more gentle than expected. Goro stared, features unfathomable, only now rendered aware of what his senses transmitted as he was left alone again. He was still swimming in a pool of his own cold sweat, falling prey to the intolerable heat his body radiated, while the ache all over his wounds was slowly but surely reawakening. Everything was just peachy.  
  
In the end, Goro grunted loudly in frustration, then flipped himself onto his stomach and buried his face into his pillow. He didn't want to think anymore, didn't want to even bother. All he wanted was to be left alone in peace for as long as possible, at least; he knew forever wasn't an option.  
  
He surprisingly wasn't shivering anymore when he opened his eyes that night.  
  
A quick glance at the clock, the numbers of which glowing red across the darkness, informed him it was currently 1:06 AM. Goro blinked, confused at the noticeable absence of goosebumps upon his flesh; he was inclined to chalk it up to the medicine (which he reluctantly took alongside his meal, cursing his treacherous stomach all the while), but the soothing and gentle warmth upon his body didn't take long to steer his mind to another possibility. It felt welcome, a completely different kind than his fever, providing only relief as opposed to discomfort. He reached out and switched on the desk lamp, blinking the sting of the harsh rays away, and his eyes widened upon uncovering the warming pad that had been slipped into his blankets.  
  
Goro blinked, eyes heavy with sleepiness. In his head, the same words echoed again and again – the curt, brisk remark that Shidou had never said anything about finishing him off.  
  
And once again, as he eventually drifted off back to sleep, as he relished at how cool the compress on his forehead felt, only one single word escaped his parted lips. A word the answer of which Shidou wouldn't give him no matter what. _ “Why?” _   
  
Of course, Goro had no way to know. He had no way to know that beyond the slight crack of the door, standing still in the darkness and listening attentively, was a man that felt possibly even more clueless than he ever did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a commenter of mine once said, "You can't catch me, dad thoughts!" Or so Shidou would probably say...


	5. Change 5 - MUSICOLOGY

Several days went by since Goro recovered from his fever.  
  
Each morning started the same, with the pleasant smell of warm breakfast reaching him from the waking world and guiding him to the edge of consciousness. When his eyes fluttered open, it was always to be greeted by the soreness of his body first and foremost, mostly concentrated around his side. It wasn’t unbearable anymore, but still noticeable enough to cause him discomfort. Even so, he was starting to get used to it.  
  
In fact, he was starting to get used to _ everything. _ And that scared him.  
  
He was genuinely slowly becoming more accepting of the reality of this situation, of waking up in this bed, of spending his days in this room, of simply living a strange, surrealist, brand new life in this apartment. Even the worst offender that was Shidou’s presence barely elicited anything out of him anymore.  
  
Though to be fair, Shidou was apparently doing the best he could to make sure Goro felt this way: their interactions had been limited for the most part, with Shidou never talking more than necessary and hardly sticking around longer than he needed to. His appearances were periodic but only out of necessity, such as bringing Goro food or retrieving an item from his bedroom, and more importantly kept brief. He hadn’t brought up their harsh conversation from the other day at all – nor anything else of importance, really. Essentially, he was more or less leaving Goro alone for the most part.  
  
Goro didn’t know whether he liked that or not.  
  
Of course, there was the matter of Shidou _ still _ keeping secrets the answers of which Goro itched to know, but…  
  
There was something else, too, that made Goro frustrated.  
  
He would honestly rather die than acknowledge it aloud.  
  
With a grunt, Goro stretched himself slightly in a way that didn’t jostle his sore body too much and rolled aside, taking in today’s breakfast left on the nightstand: scrambled eggs, toast, miso soup, fresh fruit. A tall glass of orange juice – freshly squeezed, as far as he could tell – was the drink of choice. Next to it, a sealed water bottle was waiting to be opened, as well as one single tinfoil capsule of painkillers.

It really felt like he was staying in a five-star hotel. Occupying the presidential suite.  
  
  
  
Goro couldn’t help but snort.  
  
The food was good as always, and while the eggs had already started to cool down, they were still warm enough to be enjoyable. Even though Goro was no longer hungry halfway through his meal, he still pushed through the rest of the plates out of a rather increased appetite – a testimony that he was slowly getting better.  
  
He could hear the telltale sound of someone moving around the apartment during his meal, going about their business. Goro’s chewing slowed down as he listened, wondering if this is what a busy home would sound like. His apartment constantly sounded so silent, whereas he had always pictured home as a place buzzing with life, stomping echoing beyond the walls when children played, the sound of a blender being used at full intensity, the beeping of the washing machine signaling the cycle was done. All those daily sounds, taken for granted by the world, were always a strange and fascinating concept to him, the concept of an inhabited place he could call home.  
  
A place that symbolized family.  
  
Goro put the tray aside, lay back down and closed his eyes, letting the sounds Shidou was making resonate against his eardrums. It was almost like he was listening to a melody, although he knew people would raise an eyebrow at how ridiculous this seemed. He couldn’t help it, though; sensing the presence of someone else beside him, in a place that was basically his new home for the time being, felt comforting. Like he wasn’t, all of a sudden, living alone anymore.  
  
When he heard the front door creak open and then shut again, with no more of Shidou’s footsteps to be attentive to, he couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed.  
  
Not like he blamed Shidou, though; busy as he was, it made sense he wouldn’t stay cooped up all day long. He probably spent more time outside his apartment than inside, come to think of it. Goro simply hadn’t been able to tell because he slept so much.  
  
Goro supposed today would be another uneventful day.  
  
He was over fifty pages into his thriller (provided by Shidou) when his heart gave a little leap at the sound of the front door groaning open once more and the muffled shuffling that followed. Shidou was back home.  
  
…Of course, the tiny seed of inexplicable excitement budding in Goro’s heart would stay just that: a seed. It withered when Goro realized Shidou wouldn’t come to check up on him after a good ten minutes spent waiting in anxious anticipation.  
  
  
  
Goro hated himself for feeling this way.  
  
For expecting something, anything, from that man still.  
  
  
  
He was being an absolute fool again; repeating the exact same mistake he did all those years in Shidou’s company. He wanted to hate Shidou, to despise him from the bottom of his heart, to feel physically sick just at the mention of his name…  
  
  
  
But he couldn’t.  
  
  
  
He never did, in truth.  
  
  
  
Each fantasy of Shidou’s downfall, each dream of his humiliation, each reverie of Goro’s revenge coming true, the harsh tornado of it all was always eventually overcome by the gentlest of breezes. When he caught himself thinking of such a breeze, he always forced himself to conjure a thunderous tornado, as if to sweep it away.  
  
For each time Shidou smiled at him kindly, he would be groveling on the floor tenfold.  
  
For each time Shidou patted him on the head, he would grab Goro’s leg and beg him for forgiveness even harder.  
  
For each time Shidou proudly congratulated him for his accomplishments, he would rot in an even tinier, crummier, filthier cell.  
  
But no matter how many times the breeze was chased away, it never truly vanished for good. It stayed with him, inside his heart.  
  
Goro had always known that, but even he couldn’t fool himself much longer. He knew what his heart wanted, what his heart frustratingly yearned for, and though he had done a good job resigning himself to never fulfilling this wish over the past years, it was suddenly all collapsing around him like in an earthquake.  
  
  
  
All because of this surreal, unfathomable, impossible situation.  
  
  
  
All because Shidou couldn’t have the decency to remain a despicable bastard through and through.  
  
  
  
“Shidou, you…!”  
  
It was like the floodgates opened, white-hot rage rushing through his every nerve, making him want to stomp his feet and punch his pillows until the stuffing burst out. Making him want to tear down the room and break whatever he could put his hands on.  
  
Why in the world was Shidou so infuriating?!  
  
  
  
In the end, all he punched was the empty air.  
  
Goro took deep, fast breaths, staring at the ceiling through a narrowed gaze. Then, feeling supremely irritated, he flipped to his side and yanked his blanket up to his ear, snapping his eyes shut and willing himself not to have any dreams so that he wouldn’t have to think about Shidou at least in his sleep. It didn’t work.  
  
  
  
  
A peculiar sound made its way to Goro’s hearing when he stirred from slumber, a sound that made his eyebrows knit together. It was a strange, unfamiliar one, a sound he hadn’t heard in his recent past, let alone in such close proximity. His frown deepened; it was hard to point out what exactly it was or where it was coming from, intriguing him even as he kept his eyes shut, trying to make sense of it.  
  
Then, distantly through the lethargy slowing down his brain, he realized. This was the sound of a piano.  
  
The melody was muffled and distant, a simple tune that evoked both nostalgia and serenity. Goro listened intently, taking in every single note, letting them lull him in a peaceful cradle. He wasn’t sure why, but something warm seemed to light within his chest, like a gentle, soothing flame.  
  
That had to be Shidou playing, right…?  
  
Goro finally opened his eyes, his curiosity piqued. Gingerly, he slipped out of bed, ignored the jolts of pain his body sent in response, and opened the door a crack. He hesitated.  
  
He had never explored Shidou’s apartment before; he usually stepped outside only when he needed to use the bathroom, never straying anywhere else. Shidou’s reaction would probably range from annoyed at best to furious at worst, but then again, anyone would feel intrigued in such a situation. Shidou could only blame himself for causing it if he wasn’t happy.  
  
His petulant temper faded at once, however, as he let the melody guide his legs; his stomach felt strangely tense all of a sudden. The sensation heightened with each of his steps, until it culminated into very round, very big eyes.  
  
A grand and luxurious-looking piano, painted a glossy black, stood in the living room, almost like it was being exhibited. The lid was lifted, allowing the sound to be strikingly clear; at the keys was, of course, Shidou.  
  
It was obvious and yet, Goro couldn’t help but feel a bit awed.  
  
Cautiously, he edged closer, on the lookout for any change in Shidou’s expression, but none came. Shidou merely kept playing, without a care in the world – Goro might as well be invisible. He didn’t mind it, for once; it felt nice being able to listen without having his presence questioned or worse, being shooed away. Goro closed his eyes and let the melody overtake him.  
  
When Shidou raised his hands from the keys, the room felt suddenly strangely silent. Like something was missing.  
  
“Didn’t the surgeon tell you not to walk unless absolutely necessary?”  
  
The words were harsh and cutting, without an ounce of compassion in them. Even so, the lack of further reproach made Goro believe Shidou wasn’t genuinely angry. Goro responded only with a dirty look.  
  
Shidou didn’t react at all. Goro contemplated him for a long moment.  
  
“…I didn’t know you could play the piano.”  
  
Shidou glanced up at him. Then, he pushed his glasses back up.  
  
“There are many things you don’t know about me.”  
  
Goro’s features soured, but before he could come up with a snappy retort, Shidou went on, “I took lessons when I was a kid. It didn’t get really far.”  
  
“…It sounded nice, though,” Goro found himself reply, not sure why he was actually complimenting Shidou. His response, at any rate, earned him a little amused snort.  
  
Another silence went by, until Shidou looked him up and down. Then—  
  
“Well, don’t just stand there. Come sit down.”  
  
For a split second, Goro was positive he misheard.  
  
“What…?” he stammered in incomprehension, but Shidou was already shifting so that Goro could sit beside him on the wide stool. Goro blinked once, twice, three times, then threw him a look of deep wariness as he complied.  
  
“Did you ever learn music theory?” Shidou asked as he hovered his left hand over the keys. Goro stared at him straight in the eye before looking away.  
  
“No… I didn’t,” he answered, resisting the urge to add, ‘Because I had no one to teach me.’ He felt it wouldn’t be fair, for lack of a better word, to be spiteful toward Shidou for this when he never expressed interest in learning music even at a young age.  
  
“Are you interested in learning?”  
  
They gazed at one another, amber eyes severe and inquisitive, maroon ones entirely unfathomable.  
  
“Yes. I am.”  
  
“Then follow along after me,” Shidou said, playing a couple of notes. Goro hesitated, then did as he was told.  
  
It felt a bit strange, pressing some keys at random, not to mention it was rather limited melody-wise, but Goro quickly found it was rather fun. Shidou would play several notes, either a couple or several and Goro would imitate him, his pitches as high as Shidou’s were low.  
  
Hyper focused as he was, Goro wasn’t aware of the tiny beginning of a smile stuck forever upon his lips.  
  
“Try to do it on your own, now. Remember the position of your fingers.”  
  
It was no easy task, but Goro endeavored to do his best; in the end, all he could produce was the most simple of melodies, one a child could play with their hands behind their back, but he felt strangely proud all the same.  
  
Perhaps it was because Shidou, despite his sharp features betraying nothing, seemed to enjoy himself, too. As much as Goro did.  
  
He shouldn’t be feeling like this.  
  
He was supposed to hate him. Was supposed to make his life a living hell.  
  
  
  
Even so, his heart fluttered.  
  
  
  
“All right, that’s enough. You’re not supposed to be out of bed so long.”  
  
“Ah…”  
  
Despite himself, a crestfallen look showed on Goro’s features at Shidou’s declaration. It was true they practiced quite a lot (about half an hour, judging from the clock), but he didn’t feel like stopping just yet.  
  
He didn’t want this moment to end.  
  
“What is it?” Shidou asked imperiously, his eyes narrowing on him.  
  
_ Nothing… I’ll go back to bed— _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ “Can we keep going just a little longer…?”  
  
  
  
What his rationality murmured, his heart outright screamed.  
  
  
  
Shidou considered him for a moment that seemed to drag on forever. Then, amazingly, impossibly, he clicked his tongue in defeat.  
  
“Fine. Five more minutes.  
  
Goro’s heart leapt.  
  
  
  
  
It was about five in the afternoon when Goro stirred awake.  
  
He felt completely exhausted, like he didn’t rest at all; his brain could have been clouded by a white smoke and it would have been the same. His mind, his body, it all seemed to be slowed down.  
  
His mouth was uncomfortably dry. Mechanically, he reached for his water bottle, only to realize it was empty. He forgot he drank it all before falling asleep.  
  
Goro stared at it blankly, struck by a wave of extreme laziness. He turned to look at the ceiling through heavy, half-lidded eyes.  
  
  
  
That hadn’t been a dream, right?  
  
  
  
Goro wasn’t sure. Everything felt muddled.  
  
  
  
_ “Musicology?” _  
  
_ “The study of music as an academic subject as opposed to the practice of it. What, what is it?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “No… Nothing.” _ _  
_ _  
_ Right, Goro remembered; he remembered why he had chuckled at Shidou’s explanation. His own definition of the word had been so out there, he couldn’t even think of what Shidou would have said if he had been foolish enough to share it with him.  
  
_‘Musicology: qualifies all ambient sounds that a home may feature, its pleasant nature reminiscent of a melody to some.’_  
  
Goro gave a quiet, amused chuckle, and then laboriously dragged himself out of bed. The dehydration was making him think only silly things; he definitely needed some water.  
  
When he heard a sound coming from the living room as he was on his way to the kitchen, he stopped dead.  
  
It was the sound of someone lightly snoring.  
  
Goro blinked, taken aback, and once again hit by curiosity. Almost on tiptoe, he headed for the living room, and took a peek.  
  
The first thing he noticed was the piano, and his stomach gave a little jolt. The lid and cover were still open; he definitely hadn’t been dreaming. A tiny hint of joy lit inside his mind, somehow, but something else caught his attention much more and reeled him in, something that rooted Goro to the spot.  
  
Shidou was sitting on the sofa, arms crossed and head hanging low, his chest barely rising and falling with each of his quiet snores. His glasses had been discarded, allowing a glimpse of those features Goro couldn’t remember ever seeing bare; they looked slightly different than usual, softer perhaps, although that might be merely because Shidou was asleep. Goro knew how silly the thought was, but the vision of Shidou dozing off was almost incomprehensible; like even a man as grand as himself was bound to concepts as trivial and human as sleeping. It felt strange, disconcerting even, giving the feeling Shidou was broken. He wasn’t supposed to act like this, only appear as the unattainable god that ruled over the little, common people.  
  
Goro blinked. That really looked wrong.  
  
He took a step forward, realizing the whole sofa was covered in a white sheet. A pillow and blanket had been neatly folded and left aside.  
  
_ So this is where he sleeps, huh… _ _  
_ _  
_ He didn’t know what to make of that.  
  
  
  
This is when it happened.  
  
  
  
A sudden urge sprang from the very depths of his mind, bobbing to the surface and waiting to be grabbed.  
  
  
  
Goro hesitated.  
  
  
  
He took another step, enthralled and cautious at the same time. It was like wanting to approach an animal unknown to mankind until then: captivated by its appearance, but scared of its potential retaliation.  
  
…Then again, he had a feeling that Shidou probably wouldn’t get too mad. Or so he hoped – or wished.  
  
Goro approached. Each step marked by uncertainty.  
  
His manner was akin to a timid young child.  
  
Once he was up to the sofa, he paused. Shidou didn’t stir at all.  
  
  
  
Goro sat down.  
  
  
  
Then slowly, with as many precautions as if handling dynamite, he leaned against him, letting his head rest on Shidou’s shoulder.  
  
  
  
Only when he was sure Shidou was still asleep did he allow himself to relax and close his eyes, not taking long to follow his example. The smile tugging at his lips spoke of true peace.  
  
Meanwhile, Shidou cracked one eye open, then glanced down to witness the new presence nestled against him. He stared at it briefly, then simply went to sleep once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The opening picture was made by the extremely talented [mangoguise](https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/45314026) on Pixiv! Thank you so, so much for this lovely picture!!!
> 
> We have a saying in French: "Après l'effort le réconfort," which translates to "After the effort comes the comfort." Here, you could say that after the angst comes the wholesome loool
> 
> Who else loves a petulant, tantrum-throwing Goro? Hehe!


	6. Change 6 - SIMILARITY

Awake for hours and hidden underneath his blankets was a boy who would rather die from suffocation than ever peek out.  
  
His entire body was unbearably hot, with his cheeks being the worst offender – and there was no fever to blame it on this time.  
  
Even so, Goro refused to emerge. All he wanted was to disappear off the surface of the Earth.  
  
_ Why the hell did I do that…?! _ _  
_ _  
_ He couldn’t make sense of what had gotten into him, couldn’t figure out what kind of foolishness had possessed him; almost like someone else had been controlling his body, reducing him to a mere spectator.  
  
Either way, he really, incontestably fell asleep on Shidou’s shoulder. He couldn’t even pass it as a misunderstanding. It was irrevocable, impossible to wipe from history or at least his memory. It would haunt him until the end of his life.

And the worst part was, he didn’t recall waking up and going to bed on his own.  
  
  
  
Which meant Shidou had carried him there himself.  
  
  
  
And had even made sure he was carefully tucked in. Again.  
  
  
  
“Ugh!”  
  
He had no idea what was wrong with him. He had no idea why he was suddenly feeling so meek in Shidou’s presence, timid like a little child. Although, that wasn’t exactly right – he did know why he felt like this, but acknowledging it would make everything irreversible, everything even more complicated than it already was.  
  
  
  
He didn’t want to feel this way.  
  
  
  
But he did.  
  
  
  
His deepest desires, the ones he had tried to snuff out all those years, were suddenly overflowing through every part of his mind, shattering the fragile lock that denied them freedom like it was mere paper.  
  
Each time they had met those past two and a half years, only pure hatred motivated each word Goro spoke, a hatred fueling his desire for revenge against this despicable man. And yet…  
  
Goro knew there was another desire hiding beneath, a very feeble, very quiet one, its voice a mere whisper in the face of his hatred’s screams.  
  
And now, this desire, this true wish of his, was coming true.  
  
  
  
Shidou Masayoshi was his father.  
  
  
  
And finally, after eighteen years of despair and yearning, Shidou was treating him like his… like his…  
  
  
  
“Why…?”  
  
This was the question he kept asking himself. Days after days, hours after hours, minutes after minutes.  
  
Shidou still hadn’t given him a satisfying answer.  
  
Goro was intent on getting one, no matter what.  
  
It was with this determination fueling his petulant mind that he supremely ignored his breakfast, threw the covers aside and jumped out of bed. Only to immediately regret it.  
  
“Ow…”  
  
He clutched his side, feeling the soreness of his wound beneath his dressing gown. He supposed the pain wouldn’t magically recede after only a few days given the severity of his injury, but it was still something he really could do without. The surgeon, at any rate, was coming the next day to change his bandages – perhaps he could ask him when to hope for a full recovery…  
  
Goro shook his head, deciding this didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. He wasn’t going to let some silly pain get in the way of his answers. Shidou would have no choice.  
  
It was with a rather antsy step that Goro headed to the living room, where he was sure Shidou would be.  
  
“I want to talk—”  
  
Except he wasn’t.  
  
Goro’s voice trailed off, leaving him gaping with a not so clever look on his face. A pouty frown emerged in its stead only a few seconds later and he decided to search the whole apartment, intent on not letting Shidou and more importantly his precious answer slip through his fingers.  
  
But each door he opened was another blow to his fierce determination. Goro didn’t call him (using ‘Shidou-san’ was absolutely out of the question, but ‘Shidou’ on its own, something he had no problem using when not in Shidou’s presence, now felt a bit awkward in this context), but he had no need to: the apartment was utterly and completely Shidou-free.  
  
Goro knew he was saying this a lot.  
  
But Shidou was really, completely, utterly irritating.  
  
Throwing himself backward into the sofa of the living room, Goro took his phone out and absently began to browse. He had many new emails and messages, ranging from trivial (tons of popular restaurants he had visited or planned to return to were having special offers or revealing new dishes) to eye-rolling (a modelling agency was asking him if he was interested in appearing as a guest in next month’s issue of a famous fashion magazine). He surprisingly didn’t receive anything related to work or public appearances – perhaps Shidou had a hand in this, since he was the one to control both the police and media when it came to him. Shidou really had taken every measure to make sure his mysterious disappearance wouldn’t be questioned, hadn’t he… or perhaps he simply wanted Goro to be left in peace. Goro leaned toward the former option, but then again…  
  
At any rate, this silence wasn’t unanimous when it came to the public forums and chat rooms. Everywhere he looked, people were worshipping him, calling him a hero of justice, begging him to catch the remaining Phantom Thieves, while many others even confessed their love and adoration for him. Goro found he reacted to it all with rather mild indifference.  
  
Why, though?  
  
He should feel over the moon, completely drunk by bliss at each word of praise he read, even jump for joy. This is what he had craved his entire life: the approval of the society that had rejected him before he was even born. The word ‘hero’ on the whole nation’s lips. The endless validation from them all, the acknowledgement, the dedication, the love…  
  
In the end, all of it was meaningless.  
  
Because there was only one person in the world whose acceptance truly mattered.  
  
  
  
  
  
Hours passed when the front door groaned open and woke Goro up with a start.  
  
His eyes instinctively darted to the clock, which read 5:30 pm. Was he really asleep for over three hours…?  
  
Goro straightened up at once, his heart pummeling for some reason as he watched over his shoulder Shidou’s silhouette move about in the corridor. His footsteps echoed loud and clear, until they preceded his appearance in the door frame of the living room; he looked at Goro with quite a difficult expression to decipher.  
  
“So you’re finally up,” he merely remarked after a long silence. Goro stared at him for a while before replying.  
  
“…Yes. I am.”  
  
The awkwardness was at its peak. Goro knew now was the perfect time to address what he meant to this entire time, but he somehow couldn’t find it in him to summon his bravado anymore.  
  
“…I’m going to freshen up a bit,” Shidou finally said as he rubbed the space between his eyebrows, catching Goro very much off-guard. Now that he paid more attention, Shidou looked uncharacteristically weary: deep wrinkles creased his face, and his eyes were marked with faint dark circles.  
  
Goro stared at the empty door frame long after Shidou left. When he finally decided to focus on his phone again, his mind was troubled.  
  
Only a short while went by before he heard Shidou come back to the living room, and Goro instinctively tensed. He made to stand up and return to bed, when—  
  
Shidou sat down by his side on the sofa, grabbing the remote control and switching the TV on. He wasn’t wearing his suit anymore but a casual, comfortable-looking shirt and pants; his orange-tinted glasses were nowhere to be seen as well. Goro couldn't help but feel a bit awed.  
  
“What is it?” Shidou asked imperiously, noticing his expression. Goro flinched, and his first reaction was to say ‘Nothing,’ but in the end, something in him pushed him to be honest.  
  
“It’s just… It’s strange to see you like this.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Well… Acting so… normal.”  
  
Shidou gave an amused snort.  
  
“What, did you expect me to wear a suit all day and never do anything that isn't related to work? That’s silly.”   
  
Frankly, the answer to that would be ‘Yes,’ but Goro suddenly felt he would make a fool of himself if he said so. Shidou was right, it _ was _ a silly thought…  
  
Then again, Goro might not be entirely off the mark when he thought Shidou was not the entertainment type; rather than go for the sports channel or something equally frivolous (Goro really couldn’t see Shidou ever care for those despite what he said), he went straight for the news.  
  
_ “—we’re currently in the streets of Tokyo, Osaka and Sendai, where the topic of the upcoming election is on everyone’s lips. Excuse me, young man, may I ask who you are going to vote for?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Duh, Shidou, of course! The old farts are gonna eat his dust for sure. Have you seen how charismatic he is?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Shidou-san. I wasn’t going to vote for him at first—he is a bit young, and I’ve always put my faith in more experienced politicians—but his passion and presence did it for me.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Shidou. He’s the only one who actually looks like he’ll get things done. The others aren’t even trying.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “As you can see, Shidou Masayoshi of the United Future Party is clearly the favorite among the Japanese population. A bit less than two weeks remain until the election, where the future of our nation will change forever—” _  
  
“Aren’t you popular,” Goro couldn’t help but mutter from the corner of his mouth as Shidou changed the channel at random. His own face suddenly appeared; one of his latest public speeches was apparently being broadcast again.  
  
_ “Now is the time to rebuild this crumbling nation!” _ Shidou was exclaiming, his passion abound in every syllable. _ “Our government is littered with scandals, and criminals have taken a strong foothold in our society!” _ _  
_  
“…And a hypocrite, too…” Goro added in a whisper, though not quietly enough that Shidou wouldn’t hear. This earned him a mere glance before Shidou looked away again.  
  
“I suppose that’s at least two things we have in common, then,” he merely replied with supreme indifference, and Goro’s eyes opened wide. He was about to snap at him, to never dare lump them together ever again—  
  
But as he opened his mouth to do just that, he only gaped before closing it again.  
  
Shidou was right. Goro was popular and a massive hypocrite. Just like him.  
  
He wasn’t happy about it at all.  
  
But the fact remained that he and Shidou _ were _ more alike than he ever realized.  
  
  


  
He wasn’t sure what to think of that.  
  
  
“See? What did I say,” Shidou insisted, pointing at the TV and prompting Goro to look up curiously.  
_  
_ _ “I may not look like it, but I’m a sucker for sweets. Detective work requires mental exertion, so you could say sugar is essential.” _ _  
_ _  
_ Goro froze on the spot. This was the interview he did for Good Morning Japan back in May… Why was it being broadcast now?!  
  
_ “You heard it from the horse’s mouth, folks! Sugar might very well be what keeps Akechi-kun going. With a brain like his, one might wonder just how many sweets he goes through each day! I mean, just imagine how much fuel he needed to be able to catch the leader of the Phantom Thieves all by himself!” _ _  
_ _  
_ Goro had an inkling before, but this just made it official.  
  
He really, really, wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear forever.  
  
“If I recall correctly, didn’t you say you would dispose of those chocolates your fans gave you when we met at my office a few months back? How did it go again… _ ‘I have no interest in sweets. I only try them at popular food spots as a potential conversation-starter but otherwise, I find them rather dispensable.’” _ _  
_ _  
_ Goro stared at Shidou open-mouthed.  
  
How in the world did he remember this, let alone be able to quote him word for word?  
  
Noticing his stupefaction, Shidou merely smirked. But fortunately made no further comments.  
  
“Is that why you’re keeping me here?” Goro couldn’t help but ask, still ogling Shidou with very round eyes. “To have a good laugh at my expense?”  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” came Shidou’s curt reply, which Goro had expected: his question had been rhetorical. Even so, it provided him with the opportunity he had been waiting for, and Goro instantly jumped on it.  
  
“Then why?”  
  
Shidou’s brow creased, as if he wasn’t sure what Goro meant. This only served to add fuel to the fire starting to crackle within him. “Why are you keeping me here? Why aren’t you disposing of me like you were planning to all along?”  
  
“I thought I already told you. You can still be useful to me—”  
  
“You’re lying.”  
  
Goro hadn’t raised his voice as he spoke.  
  
His eyes, unwavering, stared directly into Shidou’s. The fire had lit a flame within its maroon depths.  
  
Goro stood up. Perhaps for the first time, he was towering over Shidou.  
  
“You wanted me dead. That’s the truth your Palace revealed,” Goro continued, features serious like never before. “And you yourself confirmed there was no point in thinking Palaces showed lies. Which means you saying you’re not planning to discard me anymore or that I can still be useful to you are both lies.”  
  
“They’re not,” Shidou replied laconically, his own gaze unfathomable.  
  
“But then—” Goro responded, feeling his familiar frustration rise, “why—”  
  
“…Maybe I had a change of heart after all.”  
  
Goro stopped dead.  
  
He searched Shidou’s face, looking for a twitching lip or a sidelong glance, anything that would betray Shidou’s attempt at pulling his leg. He found none.  
  
“You’re… messing with me, right? You said yourself the Phantom Thieves didn’t reform you! And—and even if you were lying, I’d have found out by now! It’d be all over the news!”  
  
“Who knows. Perhaps there are other ways to change one’s heart.”  
  
“No there’s not! You’re just—”  
  
But Shidou suddenly stood up, cutting him very much short. He paced up to the door frame, throwing Goro a look behind his shoulder.  
  
“It’s almost time for dinner. I’m going to cook something.”  
  
Without further ado, and leaving an absolutely baffled Goro rooted to the spot _ (“Shidou cooks?!”), _ Shidou left the living room. A few moments passed before Goro snapped out of it.  
  
“We’re not done talking! Dammit!” he barked, trotting to the kitchen where Shidou was searching the fridge. He might as well have been a speck of dust given the absolute lack of concern Shidou had toward him.  
  
As Shidou retrieved several eggs and other various ingredients, Goro felt his outrage begin to recede; it was being replaced by newfound curiosity. Once again, Shidou managed to take him aback, looking so different from usual, so normal, as opposed to his powerful and intimidating public image.  
  
“…What are you making?” he found himself asking. “An omelet?”  
  
“Right. What is it?”  
  
Goro’s skepticism must have shown on his face judging from Shidou’s question. He hesitated, then muttered, “I didn’t expect you to cook for yourself. I thought you’d only eat fancy food prepared by professional chefs…”  
  
“I do often order personal meals when I’m in the mood for something refined, but it isn’t like I never cook for myself. Besides, my chef warned me he wouldn’t be available today from noon onwards. This will be your meal tonight.”  
  
Goro kept quiet. The way Shidou twirled the eggs into his bowl was strangely hypnotic.  
  
“You’re doing it wrong,” he suddenly said bluntly once Shidou poured the mixture into a hot pan and left it untouched. “You’re supposed to keep stirring while it cooks.”  
  
“Where did you learn that?” Shidou asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“…In cooking class.”  
  
Goro could feel his cheeks warm up ever so slightly at how childish he sounded. No wonder Shidou constantly treated him like a kid.  
  
“Is that so? Well then, how about you show me how it’s done?”  
  
Goro blinked. Shidou stepped away from the stove, and a fierce determination suddenly flared up inside his mind once it caught up with the present moment. Well decided to prove himself, Goro tackled the task with incredible zeal, more ready than ever to show what he was capable of. His competitive spirit had never shone so brightly before, burning with excitement, eager to win, sending pulses of adrenaline across his veins—  
  
  
  
“This is absolutely inedible.”  
  
  
  
Shidou cautiously inspected the charred little pile Goro had served on a plate with the tip of his fork, as though it might come alive and jump at his throat any moment. A slow drop of sweat trickled down Goro’s back.  
  
“C-Come on, it isn’t that bad…” he said, the corner of his smile twitching badly. “It’s just slightly overcooked, that’s all… It could be much worse.”  
  
“Is that what they told you during cooking class?” Shidou responded, shaking his head. “Because I do agree this is a commendable attempt if you meant to make poison.”  
  
A vein surged in Goro’s temple, but Shidou clearly cared little. He threw the mixture in the trash without an ounce of hesitation and retrieved a new set of ingredients from the fridge.  
  
“Enough time wasted. You’d better watch closely.”  
  
Swallowing his wounded pride, Goro bit his lip but decided to obey. He watched Shidou like a pupil would his master.  
  
Ten minutes later, the result of the master’s work was laid on a plate.  
  
It looked like a charred little pile.  
  
“I… don’t understand,” Shidou said, looking absolutely aghast while Goro couldn’t yank his eyes off the thing, jaw hanging open. “I followed every step of the recipe to the letter… It shouldn’t have come out like this…”  
  
“Wait, what?” Goro replied, jolting out of his trance. “You were using a recipe? For _ an omelet?” _ _  
_ _  
_ This was too much, too ridiculous, too unbelievable. The next moment, Goro was doubling over, laughing so hard his sides were hurting.  
  
“You’re just—you’re just as terrible as I am at—at cooking!” he exclaimed in between two fits of laughter, feeling tears of joy begin to well up in his eyes. He could hardly breathe anymore, but that didn’t matter in that one moment; nothing did. Nothing except the clueless look on Shidou’s face as the omelet was burned to the crisp, completely tearing down the image Goro had always had of him. The whiplash was so intense, all he could do was laugh without restraint.  
  
If he wasn't, he might have noticed how Shidou, staring at him lips parted, eventually gave a snort.  
  
It took some time before Goro quieted down and caught his breath. The last remnants of his laughter still echoed in his voice as he wiped away his tears, but just as he was to speak once more, a stab of pain pierced his side. Goro yelped and clutched it tight, before a severe tone of voice cut through his overwhelmed brain.  
  
“You’ve jostled your wound again,” Shidou said, though he sounded less angry than concerned. “Go back to bed at once—I’ll give you a painkiller. As for dinner, I’ll order something and bring it to you when it arrives.”  
  
Goro grunted by way of answer. But as he made to leave the kitchen, the smile on his lips was effortless.  
  
“Um… Would that be all right if I asked for sushi?”  
  
Shidou contemplated him, face unreadable.  
  
“Fine. Sushi it is.”  
  
Goro’s smile mellowed even more.  
  
  
  
  
  
One hour later, pain nearly gone and stomach comfortably full, Goro couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy.  
  
He rolled over to his side, burying his wide smile in his covers. He wasn’t sure why exactly he felt so happy.  
  
The image of a dumbfounded Shidou and his spectacular mess of an omelet wouldn’t leave his mind. It was like a vision being added to a picture book: just looking at it brought pleasant memories.  
  
A memory in which Akechi Goro wasn’t Shidou Masayoshi’s subordinate, co-conspirator, accomplice, weapon. But something else entirely.   
  
Something much more serene, much more blissful. Something that brought him true peace and warmed his heart. Just like his heart warmed when he realized he and Shidou shared one more common trait. A common trait that wasn’t despicable or negative in any way for once; only a testimony of complete normalcy.  
  
For the first time in his life, Goro felt like a perfectly normal teenager. With a perfectly normal family.  
  
He wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his days like th—  
  
“And I’m telling you they need to be stopped right now, you absolute buffoon! The election’s almost there, I can’t afford to leave them at large. You _ will _ get rid of them, that’s an order!”  
  
Goro froze. Heart suddenly drumming, he pricked up his ears and listened intently. He could hear Shidou bustling around the apartment.  
  
“No, there’s been a change of plan—we need to get rid of them using normal methods. This will be messier than I intended, but I don’t have a choice anymore. I’m counting on you to keep the whole operation as clean as possible; no witnesses, no collateral damage, no tracks left. I’ll reward you better than you could ever imagine if you accomplish this. Excuse me?”  
  
Shidou roared; Goro held his breath, his hands grasping his covers tightly to the point of discomfort.  
  
“Afraid of a change of heart? Aren’t you supposed to be a yakuza? Who heard of a gang member being scared of a bunch of teenagers? I have enough of your whining, you pathetic fool; those who won’t work with me are against me, I do hope you remember that. This is your last chance—and warning. You’re doing this for your sake as much as mine.”  
  
This was the last of Shidou’s conversation. Goro couldn’t hear anything anymore after that.  
  
  
  
He felt nauseous.  
  
  
  
Weakly, he reached for his cell phone. He stared at the screen for a brief moment before bringing it close to his lips.  
  
“Shidou Masayoshi. Cruise ship. National Diet Building.”  
  
His heart did a somersault. The Otherworld Navi registered a successful hit.  
  
  
  
Shidou’s Palace still existed.  
  
  
  
Shidou was still, despite what Goro had started to believe, a rotten piece of scum, no better than a literal pile of garbage.

  
  
  
He hesitated.  
  
Perhaps he should go to the Palace right here, right now, and settle this once and for all. He knew how to reform someone: the Phantom Thieves did teach him how it worked during their expedition to Sae-san’s Palace.  
  
The distant pain across his side suggested this was a bad idea, though. He would never stand a chance against the Shadows, let alone Shidou’s himself.  
  
A great, sad sigh escaped his lips. When Goro put his phone away and closed his eyes, his heart, so light only minutes before, had never felt so heavy than in that very moment.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus!
> 
> The following scene was supposed to be included in this chapter, but I decided to remove it in the end because it was a bit too goofy (that is, goofier than the final chapter already is) given the context of the fic. Dammit Shiake, why are you so hard to work with when it comes to writing about you?!
> 
> ____________________________________________
> 
> “Is that what they told you during cooking class?” Shidou responded, shaking his head. “Because I do agree this is a commendable attempt if you meant to make poison.”
> 
> Goro responded with a blank stare.
> 
> The next moment, he retrieved an egg from the fridge, as well as a black felt tip left on the whiteboard of the kitchen. Three lines and two rectangles later, Goro presented Shidou with the egg.
> 
> “See? That’s you.”
> 
> Shidou raised an eyebrow. His face practically screamed what his thoughts conjured up; he looked at him like Goro had lost most of his mind.
> 
> Goro continued to stare right into his eyes before averting his gaze, his own features entirely unfathomable as he laid the egg gently on the counter.
> 
> Shidou still watched him with a perplexed look on his face. Goro looked up at him again.
> 
> Then, in one swift motion, he violently smashed the egg with his palm like one would with a fly, splattering shell bits, egg white and yolk everywhere. He never broke eye contact.
> 
> Shidou contemplated him for a very long time before speaking up.
> 
> “You will clean that up right this instant.”
> 
> Goro merely grunted.
> 
> ____________________________________________
> 
> Anyway, Shidou really is good at dodging questions, isn’t he? Maybe he played dodgeball when he was younger, hehe


	7. Change 7 - SEASIDE

Seventeen days passed since Shidou found Goro in the basement of the Diet Building. Fifteen since he stopped him from jumping off the balcony. Fourteen since he applied a wet compress to his feverish forehead. Ten since he taught him the basics of playing the piano. Nine since he made up for his disaster of an omelet with luxurious sushi.  
  
Today was December 14. Four days before the election.  
  
Goro stared at his phone blankly before putting it away and curled up beneath his covers.  
  
Each time his finger had hovered over the Otherworld Navi icon those past few days, he had ended up merely closing it.  
  
He couldn’t bring himself to go to Shidou’s Palace. He didn’t feel physically ready, what with his body still covered in bandages and the surgeon expressly forbidding him to stand too long. According to him, so long as Goro didn’t push himself, he would probably be ready to get out of bed in a couple of days, but only on that condition. Going to the other world in his current state would be suicide.  
  
…Or at least, this was Goro’s excuse.  
  
His injuries were really the last of his worries when it came to his dilemma. No, the true reason Goro didn’t want to go was…  
  
It was because he was scared.  
  
He was scared that meeting Shidou’s Shadow would dig his scars raw and open new wounds he had been oblivious to until then. He was scared to accidentally kill him. He was scared to reform him as well, because if Shidou’s heart was changed, it meant those seventeen days, so unfathomable but precious as well, would come to an end.  
  
Goro didn’t want that.  
  
He wasn’t ready to let go of this newfound routine, the routine he had yearned for since he was born, the routine that finally taught him the meaning of the word ‘life.’  
  
  
  
Because the day Goro nearly died was really the day he began to truly live. And it was all thanks to Shidou.  
  
  
  
He wanted to stay by his side. He wanted to learn how to play the piano further with him. He wanted to rely on him completely and feel safe in his presence when he was sick. He wanted to keep cooking with him and laugh at the inevitable disastrous results. He wanted Shidou to teach him how to drive a car. He wanted to go on a vacation with him, travel the globe, discover the beauty of the world together. He wanted to make Shidou proud of him and hear him brag to whoever cared to listen about his son.  
  
And most of all, he wanted to call him… call him…  
  
Goro gripped his pillow tighter.  
  
He had never felt so conflicted.  
  
His entire life, he had chased after him – after his father, swearing revenge for condemning him to a lifetime of being a disgrace, nothing except a blemish on the world. But now that his time to shine was around the corner, he was suddenly hesitating.  
  
Goro couldn’t help but wonder – would he have felt the same way if the engine room incident never happened? If he had gotten rid of the Thieves and gone home, letting his plan come to fruition as it should have? Would he have, without warning, gotten cold feet the moment he was about to whisper in Shidou’s ear the truth of who he really was, setting off the deadly chain reaction that would have led his father to his downfall? Or did he feel this way only thanks to those short, tiny seventeen days, that managed to purge the venomous hatred long settled in his veins for years?  
  
He wasn’t sure. Perhaps he would have been unable to carry out his plan even if this unexpected situation didn’t come to be.  
  
Because no matter how vehemently he would deny it, he couldn’t run away from the truth any longer.  
  
Getting revenge on his father was never what he truly wanted.  
  
Goro had always known, of course. But it was the first time he officially acknowledged it.  
  
What he had always yearned for was to be Shidou’s beloved, precious, irreplaceable son. To be his most cherished and treasured being through his entire life.  
  
He wanted to be the one Shidou loved the most.  
  
Not as his right-hand man. Not as a co-conspirator. Not even as his most useful accomplice.  
  
He wanted Shidou to love him like a father would his son.  
  
At the same time, the thought frightened him.   
  
Could he really let bygones be bygones and fully wallow in a life with Shidou by his side? Would he ever be able to let go of his resentment toward him? Would he even be able to picture Shidou as his father? Or…  
  
“Fa… F-Fath…”  
  
  
  
Ah… It was no use.   
  
  
  
His voice trailed off all on its own the second Shidou’s face came floating inside his head. He really couldn’t say it.  
  
Goro rolled over onto his back, fixing the ceiling. He had no idea what the next step was. He wasn’t sure how to figure it out, what to look for, where to start.   
  
  
  
He wished his mother was there.  
  
  
  
She would know how to help him sort out his feelings.  
  
But she was gone – because of Shidou.  
  
Goro’s features hardened.  
  
  
  
“I’m coming in.”  
  
Someone had knocked on his door, opening it without further ado. Goro remained quiet even as Shidou walked into the room, glancing at the tray of food left untouched before directing his full attention on him.  
  
“You haven’t eaten?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Shidou peered at him for a moment, his expression difficult to decipher. Goro would like to believe Shidou felt concerned about him, but he had no way to know whether he was correct or if this was mere wishful thinking.  
  
“You have hardly eaten anything for the past few days. What gives?”  
  
“…I’m not feeling hungry,” Goro replied, still eyeing the ceiling through a rather unfocused gaze.  
  
“Is that so.”  
  
This should have been the end of their conversation, but Goro knew Shidou expected him to elaborate. A long silence went by before he straightened up and leaned against his pillows, still not looking at Shidou.  
  
“I’m tired of being cooped up here. I want to go outside.”  
  
Goro was certain Shidou would immediately respond negatively to his request: ‘that’s not possible,ʼ ‘don’t be ridiculous,’ or something else along those lines.  
  
He didn’t.  
  
“Where would you like to go?”  
  
Goro blinked in surprise. His gaze met Shidou's for a split second before he averted it again, features unreadable once more.  
  
“…I want to see Mother’s grave.”  
  
He let out a sigh as soon as he said it. It was a testimony of tired resignation.  
  
“…Not like I know where she’s buried. So there's no point in entertaining the idea, really.”  
  
His voice sounded casual, but there was no concealing the faintest trace of defeat laced through it.  
  
It cleared up in an instant.  
  
“Although…” he went on, his vacant eyes seemingly beginning to glint again as he pulled himself into a sitting position. He turned toward Shidou, finally looking at him straight in the eye for the first time in what felt like forever. “I remember… I remember that she probably loved the sea. I’d like to go there.”  
  
He interrupted himself, letting his intent stare convey what his thoughts requested. Shidou contemplated him for a very long moment before parting his lips.  
  
Once again, the response Goro had expected _(“Such a naive way of thinking. You're being impulsive and childish”) _was completely off the mark.  
  
“You're still too weak to go outside. You need to rest—”  
  
“That's all I did for days!” Goro exclaimed, before the energy granted by his outburst winked out just as fast as it came. “I want to go… Just one hour would be fine…”   
  
Silence fell over the room. Determined maroon eyes stared into thin and harsh ambers, both unwavering until one of them did.  
  
Shidou was the one to avert his gaze first.   
  
“Fine. Just one hour.”   
  
Goro's entire face lit up, just like a child being surprised with a wonderful present. Shidou turned around and walked to the door, glancing at him over his shoulder as he pulled it open.  
  
“I need to make preparations. Be ready in half an hour—we're leaving at 4:30 sharp.”  
  
Rarely had Goro been so eager to obey Shidou's command. It was with a certain anxious anticipation pounding in his chest that he washed up and got ready – winter pajamas, double pairs of socks, a thicker dressing gown and fur-lined slippers all supplied by Shidou – before waiting fervently near the front door. When Shidou appeared, Goro felt his stomach give a little jolt.  
  
“I had a driver pick us up. He’ll come back to get us once it's time to leave.”  
  
“Right,” Goro said hurriedly, stepping out of the apartment and calling the elevator as Shidou locked the door behind them. The ride to the parking lot was a silent one, although the pounding of Goro’s heart seemed almost audible with how fast it was getting. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous; perhaps because he genuinely couldn't wait to finally breathe some fresh air, or because he was actually about to get said air accompanied by…  
  
Goro threw Shidou a curious glance. As always, Shidou’s sharp features conveyed nothing.  
  
The driver, one Goro had met several times, greeted them with a brief bow of the head. Given his lack of reaction upon seeing Goro, he had been warned in advance of his presence; he opened the door to the backseat for him and then addressed Shidou.  
  
“I brought a wheelchair, like you asked. It’s in the trunk.”  
  
Shidou acknowledged this statement with a gesture of the hand before sitting by Goro’s side. Goro’s confusion must have shown on his face, for Shidou answered his question without needing to hear it aloud.  
  
“As you were told, you’re not supposed to walk long distances. I’m already doing you a favor by allowing you to go outside, but I certainly won’t let you frolic in the sand on my watch. No discussion.”  
  
Goro stared at him mouth agape, then closed it before opening it again like a fish. In any other circumstances, he would have coolly retorted something about never intending to frolic in the sand, as Shidou said, but he simply was too disarmed to even think of talking back. In the end, he kept quiet, and remained this way until Tokyo’s high buildings turned to vague rectangles in the distance while the orange hues of twilight slowly but surely made their inexorable advance over the sky.  
  
Goro couldn’t help but stare in awe as the sea appeared, sparkling and glinting under the magnificent rays of the setting sun. The beach was deserted, its sand disturbed only by the ebb and flow of the waves, their tranquil rhythm almost hypnotic, almost lulling. There was something nearly surreal about this scenery, as though it belonged to another world altogether, a beautiful world where sin never came to be.  
  
Even as the car stopped and Shidou exited it, Goro couldn’t break free from his contemplation. He was entranced, letting the blazing sky brand itself into his wide eyes. The sun, a perfect drop of glowing light across the crimson canvas, was the finishing touch that made the whole picture worthy of being called a masterpiece.  
  
“Well, don’t just stay there. Come sit down.”  
  
Shidou’s impatient bark of a voice yanked his attention as abruptly as if he had shouted. Goro jolted before lifting his big, round gaze at him: he had opened his door, wheelchair unfolded and ready to be used. Goro paused for the space of a moment before leaving the car and gingerly sat down, feeling a mixture of awkwardness and embarrassment rush to his face in addition to a general discomfort.  
  
Discomfort that soared to new heights as he heard the car drive away and the wheelchair creak before he was slowly being pushed forward. Never once did he dare glance behind him.  
  
There was a narrow walkway running through the beach, allowing them to approach the sea somewhat without being stopped by the sand. With a sharp turn, they left the central path and moved along the walkway, none of them speaking a word. Pacified by the murmur of the cool breeze and the gentle crashing of the waves, Goro eventually let go of the tension in his body and relaxed, closing his eyes so that he could focus on the sounds flooding his senses. Several more minutes went by before he felt the wheelchair being turned a quarter and stop.  
  
Goro opened his eyes, immediately greeted by the sight of the peaceful sea, only to feel a tinge of surprise as Shidou sat down on the walkway by his side, stretching his legs across the sand. It was once again another image of him Goro would have never expected to witness in his lifetime… and yet, here he was.  
  
Perhaps one day, those extraordinary occurrences would stop taking him by surprise.  
  
Perhaps one day, they would feel as mundane as they probably did to the children who were lucky enough to be born in a normal family.  
  
Goro’s gaze fell.  
  
  
  
“Are you satisfied now?”  
  
Shidou had lit a cigarette, drawing a long inhale before releasing it as a large puff of smoke. While he observed the sea, it seemed almost like an afterthought to him.  
  
“You wanted to go somewhere you thought she liked, and so we did,” he continued, sensing Goro tilting his head aside. “So, are you satisfied?”  
  
Goro looked at him for a moment before averting his eyes. They hung downwards.  
  
“…I don’t know.”  
  
Silence responded to him. Shidou’s cigarette glowed a vivid orange before turning grey again.  
  
“I thought I’d be happy to come here… but it brings back memories I’d rather have forgotten.”  
  
“Because they’re bad ones?” Shidou asked in this brusque, short tone of his.  
  
“No… Because they’re good.”  
  
Goro fell silent. Even if he wasn’t looking at him, even if Shidou’s gaze betrayed nothing, he could tell Shidou was intrigued.  
  
“Mother… She took me to the beach when I was very little—only a couple of times at most, but I remember how much she seemed to love it. I had a lot of fun playing in the sand and water with her. She always had a big smile on her face.”  
  
A pause settled in. If Goro had been more aware of himself, he might have noticed the involuntary smile begin to tug at his lips.  
  
“At home, she used to read me stories about the sea. Sea creatures, pirates, ships, fishes, mermaids… I remember asking her if she was one, because she was as beautiful as a mermaid and always sang me a lullaby before I fell asleep. I think she laughed.”  
  
Shidou kept quiet. He never looked at Goro, but his attention was obvious.  
  
“That’s why I think she was especially fond of the sea. I don’t remember her that much, but… I really believe she was. Being buried at sea… might have been something she’d like.”  
  
“…I see,” Shidou replied in a distant, foreign sort of voice. “That’s why you wanted to come here.”  
  
Goro’s throat tightened. The smile upon his lips faded at once.  
  
“Yes… That’s it.”  
  
For a moment, the crashing of the waves was the sole source of sound. They simply remained silent, both getting lost in the infinite expanse of the sea.  
  
“Say… Why did you leave her?”  
  
Goro’s question came as a mere whisper.  
  
As he waited for Shidou to speak, his pulse quickened. It culminated into a strong jolt upon hearing the answer.  
  
“Because I was never interested in spending the rest of my life with her.”  
  
Shidou stubbed out his cigarette on the walkway and fished a portable ashtray out of his pocket, putting the butt in it. He elaborated only when the ashtray was back in his pocket again.  
  
“I always meant for it to be a one-night stand. We were both young and fooling around—I was just in need of some fun and nothing else, much less a serious relationship. She should never have been pregnant, but she was. I wanted no part in that.”  
  
Goro should have burst with fury.  
  
He should have clenched his fists and ground his teeth, spitting his entire hatred at Shidou – but he didn’t. He didn’t have the heart to feel the merest flicker of anger in that one moment.  
  
All he could do was simply gaze at Shidou through a bleary lens, waiting for him to keep going.  
  
“Becoming a husband, founding a family, raising my offspring, all of it would have been nothing but thorns in my side in my pursuit for the seat of Prime Minister. It was never personal—whether it came to her, or you.”  
  
“Thorns in your side, huh…” Goro echoed, his own voice sounding like it was coming from a mile away.  
  
“Well, I suppose I should reevaluate this assessment,” Shidou said, throwing him the quickest of looks. “I never expected my son, of all people, to be the key that would grant me my dearest wish.”  
  
Goro would have been elated at this astounding praise once. Today, it was received with a mirthless snort.  
  
“Right… At least you did get something out of me. A cold-blooded and obedient murderer.”  
  
By way of answer, Shidou lit up a second cigarette.  
  
Goro observed him, his eyes taking on a narrower shape. The Shidou next to him seemed hardly different from the one he used to know, at least personality-wise. He was still arrogant, still cocky, still a bit too at ease with talking about Goro like he were a mere tool… and even so, Goro’s heart wasn’t fooled anymore. It found out the truth at last.  
  
“You really did change, didn’t you.”  
  
“What makes you say that?” Shidou asked in an almost nonchalant way, though Goro wondered whether it really was genuine.  
  
“If you didn’t… we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”  
  
Goro’s stare was intent. He knew he had won the argument even before it could start. Shidou remained silent, until his cigarette was halfway burnt.  
  
“…I sensed it. When you were shot.”  
  
Goro felt something flip in his stomach. Despite himself, his body tensed up.  
  
“I don’t know why or how it happened—I suppose it’s one of the numerous quirks of the other world, something that not even Isshiki Wakaba discovered. At any rate, I was in my office when I suddenly saw a flash, like a sight that wasn’t mine. It was of a room with several engines around and a raised partition wall. I also saw you, covered in blood and collapsing to the floor.”  
  
“How is that possible…?” Goro couldn’t help but ask, feeling dazed all of a sudden. “You didn’t walk into your Palace somehow, did you…?”  
  
“I didn’t. And yet, I saw the scene as though I was there… mere meters away from you.”  
  
Something inside Goro's mind clicked.  
  
Slowly, he raised his head, turning it toward Shidou.  
  
“Could it be you saw it through the eyes of your Shadow…?” he asked, racking his brain for any trace of a golden-eyed Shidou inside the engine room, only to come up blank. Then again, he hadn’t exactly been in a position to notice anything except the giant puddle of blood expanding around him back then, let alone the atrocious pain that came with it.  
  
“I believe so. It seemed it was there when you crumbled down,” Shidou said, before adding, “At any rate, as soon as this flash stopped… my desire to become Prime Minister vanished along with it for some reason. It was as though the very idea was suddenly trivial to me. It lasted only a short time, however.”  
  
Goro’s eyes opened wide.  
  
Shidou’s desire to become Prime Minister? Gone?  
  
That didn’t make sense – the Phantom Thieves taught him those very desires were the cause of a Palace’s existence; they were the very foundations of what made a Palace stand tall in the first place. If they were gone, the Palace should have disa—  
  
_No way… Wait a minute…_  
  
Goro felt a slow drop of sweat trickle down his back.  
  
Back then, the Palace… it did vanish. While he was in the engine room – this is how he found himself in the basement of the Diet Building. It clearly came back since, but…  
  
Was it really what had happened?  
  
Could it be that for the space of an instant, Shidou experienced a genuine change of heart – one all on his own?  
  
“This entire vision lasted only a matter of seconds, perhaps even less. And even so, when I suddenly saw my office again, I knew everything. I knew what happened to you. I knew exactly where you were at the time. And I felt compelled to go.”  
  
“So that’s how you found me in the basement of the Diet Building so fast…” Goro said blankly, his mind having more and more trouble catching up with the mountain of information his brain waves were sending to it. “But I still don’t understand… What caused this change in you? What made you suddenly forget about your desire, even if only for a few minutes…?”  
  
“I thought that was obvious. You did.”  
  
Goro was taken aback.  
  
Shidou’s gaze was upon him, as unwavering as his was agitated.  
  
“I suppose that no matter how much one tries… there’s no snuffing out their natural instinct forever. In the end, it will always find a way to overpower the mind, and it seems the other world considers one’s flesh and blood a primordial part in man’s deepest instinct.”  
  
Goro had no words.  
  
He merely sat there, rooted to the spot, eyes and mouth equally wide, like awe had stolen his speech away and then some.  
  
An instant passed before his breathing quickened. He could see a tidal wave coming his way inside his mind, seconds away from overwhelming him, but just as he was about to finally speak words he hadn’t thought yet—  
  
“Achoo!”  
  
—a great shiver overtook his frame. Goro hugged himself, suddenly hyper aware of how dark it had gotten, of how cold the wind felt on his face, of how his body erupted into thousands of goosebumps all over his skin. Shidou immediately stood up and threw his jacket over him, then turned the wheelchair along the walkway.  
  
“You’re going to catch a cold at this rate—if you didn’t already. Time to head back.”  
  
Goro didn’t argue. He merely closed his eyes, gripping Shidou’s jacket tighter against himself. It felt warm.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this vivid image of Shidou pushing an injured Goro in a wheelchair stuck in my head for ages, and I'm glad I could finally use it in a fic. Is it lame if I confess I felt a bit emotional while writing this chapter? Yes? O-Okay ;_;
> 
> The end is almost there… But we’ve still got something important left. I wonder if Goro will accept it…


	8. Change 8 - CALLING CARD

“Surrender now, Feathermen! You are fighting a losing battle!”  
  
“As if! We will put an end to your atrocious crimes once and for all! Evildoers like you shall be punished!”  
  
“Hmph, let’s see how long you can keep running this mouth of yours, Red Hawk! Your time to perish has come!”  
  
Letting out a dramatically evil laugh, the Demon Robot stretched out the springs of its arms at the Feathermen, nearly catching Black Condor who dodged with a mere second to spare. Pink Argus readied her bow in retaliation and shot, her steel-piercing arrow managing to dent the side of the Demon Robot’s head; however, it merely responded with a snicker.  
  
“Is that the best you’ve got? You’re making me laugh—take this!”  
  
“Pink Argus!” Blue Swan yelled as she flung herself forward and shoved Pink Argus out of harm’s way – the next instant, she was struck by a bolt of purple thunder, screaming at the top of her lungs before crumpling to the ground, entirely motionless.  
  
“No!” Black Condor screamed, dashing to her side before shaking her to no avail; Pink Argus had followed closely behind and joined in, her state of shock obvious even despite her helmet and mask.  
  
“You’ll pay for this, Demon Robot!” Red Hawk snarled, backed up by Yellow Owl taking on a fighting stance.  
  
“Hah! Come at me then!”  
  
And like this, Red Hawk and Yellow Owl pounced, bellowing their rage as the Demon Robot spread its arms; it swatted Yellow Owl away like a fly, barely flinching at the kick Red Hawk managed to land before jumping back. Red Hawk glanced behind his shoulder, surveying his incapacitated teammates, then returned his gaze at the Demon Robot. The fiery determination burning behind his concealed face was palpable.  
  
The tension was at its peak, the jury still out as to who would emerge victorious. Both sides stared down at each other, the Demon Robot letting out a cackle, while Red Hawk’s clenched fist testified to his sense of justice. Letting out a war cry, Red Hawk launched himself, speeding like a bullet, drawing back his fist and jumped, jumped so high it seemed he was flying, homing directly for the Demon Robot’s evil eye—  
  
“I do hope Red Hawk wins. This Demon Robot has crossed a line.”  
  
Goro jumped about a foot in the air. Glancing around so fast he nearly strained a muscle in his neck, his big round eyes met kind, smiling ones. In fact, there almost seemed to be a mischievous glint twinkling in them, but it might be Goro’s imagination playing tricks on him.  
  
“M-Mom?!” he cried out, his voice sounding embarrassingly a bit too much like a squeak. “How long—how long have you been there?”  
  
“Since Blue Swan took the hit for Pink Argus, roughly,” his mother replied, prompting Goro’s already reddish cheeks to flare into a bright crimson. “I didn’t know you were still interested in those sorts of TV shows.”  
  
Goro froze on the spot. He hastily averted his gaze, petulantly muttering under his breath.  
  
“I-It’s not like I am interested… I was just channel-hopping out of boredom. I was about to switch the channel when you sneaked behind my back…”  
  
“Is that so? I’m sorry for assuming wrongly, then,” she replied playfully, but Goro knew she was simply humoring him. “Thank goodness I brought back something that will hopefully make you forgive me.”

His pout melting away in favor of curiosity, Goro stood up and joined his mother in the open kitchen area, where she was unpacking a bag of groceries. The foam box she showed him was giving off a smell that immediately made him salivate.  
  
“Okonomiyaki!” he exclaimed, his eyes brightening up like he just found out his birthday had been scheduled to an earlier date. “It looks so good!”  
  
“It’s fresh out of the market’s grill,” she said, her smile widening at his excitement. “It should make for a fine lunch.”  
  
No sooner was the table dressed up and the okonomiyaki served than they dug in. Goro chomped on a large bite, immediately humming in delight at the combination of pork, kimchi and egg dancing upon his taste buds. The crunchiness of the tenkasu offered a wonderful contrast to the softness of the dough.  
  
“Is it good, sweetheart?” she asked as she savored her own portion. Goro nodded vigorously before swallowing his mouthful, and grabbed another piece.  
  
“Here Dad, you haven’t tried it yet—”  
  
Goro’s crescent-shaped eyes blinked. His lips remained parted into a smile, but some of his eagerness seemed to fade somewhat.  
  
“Goro? Is something wrong?”  
  
It was hard to tell which showed his mother’s concern more plainly between her tone and expression. He looked at her, then glanced back at the empty chair by his side.  
  
“No, I just thought…” he muttered, only to trail off with a perplexed look on his face. Something felt off to him, for some reason… as though there was supposed to be someone right there…  
  
Goro’s brain blanked out when he tried to think about it further, like there was a gap across his mind. A strange sadness overtook him, one he couldn’t explain—  
  
“Goro! What is it, sweetheart?”  
  
His mother’s eyes, wide with surprise, focused solely on him. He returned her gaze, intending to make his a reassuring one.  
  
“No, it’s nothing, I just… Huh…?”  
  
Goro paused, suddenly confused.  
  
He wasn’t sure why a single tear was rolling down his cheek.  
  
  
  
  
“Mmh…”  
  
Back to the conscious world, Goro shifted weakly in bed before his eyes fluttered slowly open.  
  
They were unfocused and vacant as they vaguely saw the ceiling, giving the impression he was in a daze. One of them felt uncomfortable, a relatively foreign sensation which Goro’s mind took longer than normal to put words on.  
  
He brought a hand to his face. A wet, thin trail streaked one side.  
  
Why?  
  
He felt as though he had a strange dream… but he couldn’t recall any of it.  
  
His manner laborious as though he were moving in slow-motion, Goro turned his sight to the alarm clock. It was past six in the morning.  
  
A distant rumble of his stomach pushed him into getting up. Groggily, he hobbled to the kitchen, grabbing the first foods that caught his eye: a piece of bread, some grapes, and a large glass of cold water. He chewed slowly and mechanically, his body more or less acting on autopilot.  
  
His idle gaze and slightly parted lips remained even as he stopped on his way back to the bedroom. His sight panned upon the door to the living room.  
  
Walking on legs that seemed to move out of their own volition, Goro gingerly made his way across the dark hallway, peeking through the glass of the door. Shidou was there lying on the sofa, snoring gently as he seemed plunged in a deep slumber.  
  
Goro remained motionless for several seconds before opening the door in a delicate motion and slipping into the room. Driven solely by instinct, he closed the distance between Shidou and himself, feeling just as awed and disarmed as he did the first time he observed him sleep. Shidou looked so quiet in that moment, so completely at odds with his powerful and formidable aura, Goro once again couldn’t help but fall into some sort of captivated trance. It was almost funny, he thought, how disparate human beings could be when they were awake and alert, a characteristic that entirely vanished the instant they closed their eyes. In sleep, the whole of mankind was equal… and Shidou illustrated it perfectly.  
  
A tiny little curve stretched Goro’s lips. All of the smiles he had given Shidou in the past had never been worthy of being called as such; they had been nothing more than glorified and forced lines taking on a slightly curled shape, existing for the sole purpose of concealing the deadly venom festering within.  
  
Today, however, on the brink of dawn, in the living room of Shidou’s apartment, Goro smiled for the first time at him what could be considered a fond, genuine, gentle smile.  
  
Carefully, he pulled Shidou’s thin covers from his chest up to his neck, making sure not to wake him up. Then, he retraced his steps outside the room, closed the door again and went back to bed, all signs he had ever been out of it nonexistent.  
  
  
  
  
  
Goro woke up a couple of hours later to the smell of fresh toast and smoked pork.  
  
His breakfast had been left by his side as always, still looking warm; it was obvious Shidou left it not too long ago.  
  
Rubbing his eyes, Goro straightened up and stretched his arms at length, his mind feeling at peace. It was when he reached out for the tray of food that he noticed his body barely ached anymore. A very faint, very distant stir was still located around his side, but it was so negligible it might as well not be there. The rest of his injuries felt entirely normal, outright absent. He had finally recovered for the most part.  
  
His spirits rising even more, Goro ate his breakfast at an enthusiastic pace. The food was good, it always was, which made his delighted smile permanent on his lips.  
  
…He felt that the worry in the horizon of his mind would gulp him down in one fell swoop if he allowed this smile to fade.  
  
The election was in two days.  
  
He had no idea what was going to happen.  
  
In the end, he completely discarded the idea to venture into Shidou’s Palace. It was embarrassing to admit, and he would never be caught dead sharing his justification with anyone… but he was simply too fearful of the possible consequences such a decision would involve.  
  
As far as he was concerned, Shidou had already changed for the better. Going to his Palace to attempt a complete change of heart served him no purpose. Of course, he supposed the rest of the world definitely would benefit from Shidou being fully reformed, but…  
  
He didn’t want this.  
  
He wanted this Shidou to stay with him forever, let him take without protest the Prime Minister’s seat if it pleased him that much, and greet whatever atrocities Shidou might keep committing afterwards with a blind eye. He knew how selfish and wrong of him that was, but Goro didn’t claim to be part of the noble and kind. He never did.  
  
The entirety of Japan could sink in the depths of the ocean under Shidou’s mandate for all he cared. Nuisances and obstacles could meet tragic but convenient accidents left and right and he wouldn’t bat an eye. Nothing mattered to him anymore, not the potential chaos and neither the prosperity Shidou might bring, so long as he could stay by his side unapologetically.

…His pulse had been at a slightly more frantic pace than usual those past days. And it only gained in rapidity as December 18 drew near.  
  
As for the Phantom Thieves’ possible interference… he was hoping it would never come to be.  
  
Sucking in a deep, long breath, Goro left his empty plate aside and went to the bathroom to freshen up. The sound of the TV escaping the living room made it clear Shidou was in the vicinity; sure enough, he was there, watching the news intently from the sofa.  
  
“You’re up,” he said by way of greeting without breaking away from the screen. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“I’m fine,” Goro replied sincerely. “Most of my wounds have healed, I think, and I barely feel anything in my side anymore.”  
  
“That’s good.”  
  
The room would have fallen silent were it not for the TV. Goro stared at Shidou, feeling a bit taken aback before sitting beside him. Unsurprisingly, the news were covering the imminent election.  
  
“Your victory is set in stone,” Goro said, though more to break the ice than anything else. “None of the other candidates stand a chance.”  
  
“It seems that way, yes.”  
  
Shidou, however, didn’t appear to be interested in keeping the conversation flowing. His laconic response was all Goro could extricate out of him before he quieted down again. Never once did he make eye contact with him.  
  
Goro couldn’t help but cast him a curious, somewhat troubled side glance, which translated into a small jolt of his stomach upon noticing the tense crease to Shidou’s brow and how tight his jaw was. He was upset, that much was certain.  
  
“Is something wrong—”  
  
But the sudden ringing coming from Shidou’s cell phone interrupted Goro’s worry made aloud. Shidou immediately picked up, with much more urgency than Goro would have expected coming from him.  
  
“Do you have news? How did it go?” Shidou muttered, not bothering with even a short greeting. _ “What did you say?!” _  
  
Shidou’s roar echoed off the walls of the living room as he bounded to his feet, making Goro startle badly. His heart began into a rising, frenzied pattern.  
  
“He had a change of heart? Are you telling me this good-for-nothing imbecile managed to be done in by a bunch of _ teenagers?!” _ Shidou went on, looking beside himself. “And how was he found out anyway?! How can someone be so unreliable that even a clown would seem actually competent in comparison?!”  
  
He was shaking with rage, pale with anger; his hands, balled into clenched fists, sported the whitest of knuckles. Goro was frozen in place, unable to stop gaping at him; it wasn’t the first time he saw him angry, but all those instances seemed closer to mild annoyance on Shidou’s part compared to the fury distorting his features in that moment. He had never looked more frightening.  
  
“I’m coming to the office right now, and I better hear good news by the time I’m there. You have half an hour to solve this situation once and for all, and you really _ don’t _ want to know what will happen if you fail. Get the cops involved, reunite our entire criminal network if you have to—just do something, for God’s sake. Those little rats should have been dealt with ages ago.”  
  
Goro could hear panicked splutters at the end of the line before it was abruptly cut off. Shidou shoved back his phone into his pocket like it had personally offended him; the vein popping on his temple was particularly noticeable.  
  
The inside of Goro’s stomach felt like it had tied itself into a knot, coupled with prickles assaulting it here and there. Shidou was right, the Phantom Thieves should have been dealt with ages ago… And they would have, if Goro hadn’t lamentably failed to do just that nearly three weeks back…  
  
“I’ll—I’ll take care of this.”  
  
Goro had risen from the sofa as well. His fists, tight like Shidou’s, imparted his determination loud and clear.  
  
“I’ll handle the Phantom Thieves. It was my responsibility from the very beginning, and I failed in the end. It’s up to me to correct this mistake.”  
  
Of course, he wasn’t going to kill them – they had too much history together, and he felt neither desire nor hostility toward them to motivate him into going this far. No, he would simply find them and talk… convince them to leave Shidou alone. They would obviously oppose resistance, but upon hearing him out, upon listening to what he had to say, perhaps they would understand… And if they didn’t, then Goro would simply incapacitate them, at least until Shidou was declared new Prime Minister. Hopefully by then, they would realize it would be too late to attempt another change of heart, and…  
  
“I refuse.”  
  
Goro blinked once, then twice.  
  
He wasn’t sure he had properly heard.  
  
“What…?”  
  
“I said, I refuse,” Shidou repeated extremely clearly, his imperious, severe gaze staring down at Goro. “Forget about this idea at once.”  
  
“But—why?!” Goro cried out, genuinely confused. “I’ve got to help you—”  
  
“Didn’t you understand me? I told you to forget it.”  
  
Shidou had barely raised his voice and even so, it had sounded as powerful as if he had outright yelled. Goro remained rooted to the spot, eyes wide like never before, jaw hanging very much low.  
  
“I’m going to the office. No matter what happens, don’t you even think of attempting anything—I won’t let you. Do you hear me?”  
  
With this, Shidou swept impatiently out of the room and into the hallway, Goro trotting after him in a daze. Even as Shidou put his jacket on in a swift, brusque movement, he couldn’t make sense of whatever was unfolding before his eyes.  
  
“Why…? Why won’t you let me…?”  
  
His hand on the door, Shidou paused. Their eyes met.  
  
Stunned, round maroon met thin and inscrutable amber, peering into each other for what felt like an eternity. Goro never looked away; he wanted to know, wanted to understand why Shidou was suddenly so inflexible…  
  
“Because I’ve involved you in this long enough already, not to mention it could be dangerous. It’s about time I stopped dragging you in matters that should never have concerned you to begin with.”  
  
Not waiting for a response, Shidou opened the door and briskly left.  
  
It wasn’t as though he would have gotten one if he had stayed: Goro was at too severe a loss of words. He was entirely motionless, staring at nothing in the silent hallway, his brain struggling to function at its usual pace.  
  
Shidou had never sounded so much like a father than in that very moment.  
  
A father concerned for their son, unwilling to have them go through any kind of ordeal, whether it was caused by their own hand or another party. A note of regret lacing their words, alongside a strong drive to make amends. The undeniability of the protective tone in their voice, its slow and deep pitch almost reassuring even if that might not have been their intent, as if to say ‘Don’t worry, everything will be fine.’  
  
Shidou cared about him.  
  
Shidou didn’t want him to endanger himself, nor did he want him to remain an obedient and efficient tool – no matter how much the situation urged Goro to be.  
  
  
  
Goro’s dream came true.  
  
His wildest wish was reality.  
  
  
  
He had truly become Shidou Masayoshi’s beloved, precious, irreplaceable son. Not even the gravity of the situation could change this fact.  
  
  
  
His heart fluttered. Even so, his lips never formed a smile.  
  
He was too bewildered for his features to show anything else.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The smile finally popped up on his lips while he was asleep.  
  
It was a very gentle one, peaceful beyond measure, one that conveyed a sensation of all worries gone and a radiant mind finally free of dark clouds. It was all entirely clear, an opalescent blue as far as the eye could see, pure and beaming like the first days of summer.  
  
It wasn’t long before a shadow corrupted the spotless sun. The prelude to an overcast sky.  
  
_ “Reporting live from Shibuya—the Phantom Thieves’ declaration of war has left the entirety of the population stunned. As you can see, the square is in utter disarray: the police are attempting to contain the crowd, with moderate results. Those accusations toward Shidou Masayoshi are on everybody’s lips—” _ _  
_ _  
_ At the mention of Shidou’s name, Goro opened his eyes.  
  
The first thing his sleepy mind registered was how dark the living room had gotten; night had fallen already. He must have fallen asleep on the sofa.  
  
The second thing he noticed was that he had forgotten to switch off the TV. It was broadcasting a special report.  
  
And the final thing he understood… caused his heart to get stuck in his throat.  
  
_ “The Phantom Thieves truly made a statement tonight. A staggering amount of channels reported being impacted by the hijacking.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “And they revealed their leader was alive after all. What was that about the police catching him and him committing suicide then? Could you enlighten us on this matter?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Unfortunately, your guess is as good as mine. Let us examine the footage once more—” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yo! What is up, everybody!” _ _  
_ _  
_ Goro forgot to breathe. There was no mistaking this distorted voice – nor the ones that followed.  
  
_ “The recent scandals of public figures, the accidents caused by psychotic breakdown and mental shutdowns—these weren’t caused by unknown reasons. One man is behind every single instance… simply to satiate his own greed.”_  
  
_ “The Minister of State for Special Missions… Shidou Masayoshi!” _ _  
_ _  
_  
  
Goro jumped to his feet.  
  
  
  
His heart was drumming so fast it felt like it could burst out of his chest any moment.  
  
This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t be.  
  
  
  
_ “Shidou himself will soon confess all the crimes that he’s committed.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We’re not gonna sit back and watch some crook wreck this country just ‘cause of his goddamn ego. Ain’t that right… leader?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yes. Before that happens, we will take this country!” _ _  
_ _  
_ Goro could see him.  
  
He could see the adamant resolve burning in his eyes.  
  
“Ah… A-Ah…”  
  
His breathing hitched in his throat.  
  
The world was blurring for the space of a second, followed by a dark shade overcasting his sight before it vanished again.  
  
His head spun.  
  
A buzz coming from his cell phone pierced through his stupor – a needle going through the skin of an elephant. Slowly, mechanically, Goro took out his phone with a trembling hand.  
  
Shidou’s message was concise and curt.  
  
“I’m on my way back. I left some clothes for you inside the cupboard of the bedroom—get dressed, gather your belongings, and wait for me.”  
  
Caught off-guard by the strange command but never once entertaining the thought to disobey it, Goro hobbled to the bedroom almost subconsciously, like someone was leading him by the hand and he was passively complying without a sound. Sure enough, one of the drawers revealed a pair of jeans, a thick sweatshirt with a hood, socks and sneakers. He put them on without being entirely aware of himself, folding the dressing gown and leaving it on the bed. Once done, he headed back to the living room and let himself slump in the sofa, not trusting his shaky legs to carry his weight lest he sway on the spot.  
  
He waited about twenty minutes in absolute silence, with only his mad pounding of a heartbeat for sole company, before he heard the front door click and creak open. Immediately, he bolted up, watching with unbearable anticipation as Shidou strode into the living room.  
  
“From your expression, I take it you know what happened.”  
  
As always, his tone and features were nearly impossible to decipher. Goro hated that.  
  
“I… I do. They showed it on TV… The Phantom Thieves…”  
  
He couldn’t finish his sentence. Saying it aloud would make everything irrevocable, absolutely undeniable anymore. If he kept quiet, perhaps Shidou would tell him he could ease up and that it had been all a joke.  
  
He didn’t.  
  
“I will personally crush them,” Shidou said, and Goro wondered whether he had imagined the golden glow flickering within his eyes for a split second. “They won’t come out of this alive.”  
  
The tension in the air was heavy. Goro didn’t know how to respond.  
  
“But as a precaution in case the worst happens… I’m going to ask you to leave.”  
  
Goro felt something inside of him stop.  
  
A crack upon his heart formed, threatening to shatter.  
  
“Leave…?” he echoed blankly, his eyes unfocused.  
  
“It would be too risky for you to stick around. That’s why I came back to ask you in person, although I’m planning to return to the office at once—because I knew you wouldn’t comply unless I did it that way. Go back home, keep a low profile, and don’t you concern yourself with me no matter what happens.”  
  
“N-No! I don’t want that!” Goro exclaimed, suddenly feeling nauseous; Shidou meant every word he said, he was serious like never before…  
  
“Perhaps so, but we’re both beyond doing what we want in the current situation. Forget about me. If everything goes according to plan, we will see each other again soon.”  
  
“S-Still! I don’t want to leave… Please let me stay with you!”  
  
His pleading voice, face, manner, everything, could have melted the most hardened of hearts.  
  
Shidou’s strict gaze didn’t change.  
  
“I won’t allow it. Who knows what could happen to you if the worst-case scenario came true,” he said, his features eerily stoic next to Goro’s severely anguished ones. “One of my men is waiting for you outside the apartment—he’ll drive you home. Be careful not to attract unwanted attention to yourself and go on with your life while I’m busy. Make the most out of it—become someone I will be proud of.”  
  
“No—please let me—”  
  
“Don’t you understand an order?! Go, _ now!” _ _  
_ _  
_ Goro recoiled as if Shidou had raised his hand on him.  
  
He slowly shook his head, consumed by shock and disbelief, overtaken by grief and despair. The white fog inside his mind rendered his entire being numb, all of his thoughts blank.  
  
  
  
“Fa… F-Father…”  
  
_  
_ _  
_ Those weren’t the circumstances in which he had hoped to say it.  
  
  
  
This word was supposed to be one of happiness. One of utter joy.  
  
It wasn’t supposed to be a word of sorrow.  
  
  
  
The way he said it carried the pleading of a son who knew he would see his father for the very last time.  
  
Even though they just barely acknowledged each other as such.  
  
It was a sound as desperate as the saddest of laments, one as heart-wrenching as the cries of the miserable. He never wished for this word to convey either when he imagined himself saying it – not to mention it wouldn't manage even a dent in Shidou’s unshakeable will.  
  
He didn’t notice Shidou’s fist clench tighter when he said it.  
  
When he looked up at him again, Shidou was still staring down at him, eyes unblinking, gaze unwavering. He then sidestepped to let Goro pass.  
  
This entire interaction lasted only a matter of seconds. Goro returned his gaze with a trembling one of his own, and then ran off past him and out of the apartment, not daring to look back. He knew he would instantly stop and ruin his already feeble resolve if he did.  
  
He had no way to know that Shidou’s eyes lingered on where he just disappeared from for a very long moment.  
  
Almost as if he, too, regretted this turn of events.  
  
  
  
  
  
The moment Shidou’s driver dropped him in front of his apartment building, Goro climbed the stairs four steps at a time and threw himself at his front door.  
  
His hands were quivering so much that he fumbled with his key before unlocking his door successfully. The next moment, he was in his apartment, phone already in his hand.  
  
“Shidou Masayoshi, cruise ship, National Diet Building—hurry!”  
  
The world rippled around him, transporting him to the back deck of Shidou’s cruiser. Dashing so fast it seemed as though he was being pushed forward by a great tailwind, Goro closed the distance separating him from the tall and heavy front gates. He threw one hand at it, ready to push it open—  
  
—only to be suddenly catapulted a good thirty feet back, yelping as he landed flat on his back. Completely stunned, it took him several long seconds to recover and shake his head. He had no idea what just happened.  
  
Approaching the gate much more cautiously – although his pulse only seemed to push past sky-high levels – Goro pawed at it, only to see what could only be described as a force field react to his touch and flickering out of existence upon removing his hand. It was like an invisible wall blocking his way, rendered visible only when approached. His stomach dropped.  
  
“Why?!” he yelled in frustration, banging his fists against the cold surface. “Let me in! I need to stop them before they… before they—”  
  
But Goro might as well reason with a brick wall – quite literally. Growing more and more desperate, he immediately reached out to tear his mask off his face, about to yell Loki’s name…  
  
And while Loki answered his call, he found himself grasping at empty air.  
  
Goro paused even as Loki attempted attack after attack at the gate, not managing to leave a single chip.  
  
His dark suit… It had materialized only when Loki sensed the summon from within his heart. Up until that moment, he had been wearing the clothes Shidou had provided him with. When Loki returned to him, said clothes materialized again.  
  
Shidou no longer saw him as a threat.  
  
Both because they made peace, no doubt – but also because he had made sure Goro _wouldn’t_ be a threat.  
_  
_ _ “No matter what happens, don’t you even think of attempting anything—I won’t let you. Do you hear me?” _ _  
_ _  
_ Goro remained entirely still, feeling the rising wind blow into his face and hair.  
  
His legs gave in. Slowly, he fell to his knees.  
  
“No…”  
  
He wasn’t going to make it. He wouldn’t be able to protect Shidou.  
  
The weight of his cell phone was heavy in his pocket.  
  
He looked down at it through a glintless, rather dull glaze.  
  
  
  
This is when it clicked.  
  
  
  
Why didn’t he think of it sooner, he thought vehemently as he leapt to his feet and made a mad run for the exit, jumping across the world to find himself back in the reality of his bedroom. The next instant, his screen showed the messaging application.  
  
_ “I know I asked you to change Shidou’s heart, but I changed my mind. Please don’t go through with it.” _  
  
His hands trembled when he typed it.  
  
With a bit of luck, the Thieves didn’t go to Shidou’s Palace yet. He didn’t care how ridiculous he sounded. He didn't care that they would suddenly find out he was alive. He didn’t care about the tremendous confusion his message would provoke. He didn’t even care about how blunt and out of the blue it was. He simply hoped they would listen, perhaps even ask for more details to understand his plea better.  
  
He was desperate, and this was his final resort. If it failed, then it would all be over.  
  
The very faint, very weak glimmer of hope glowing in his very core still remained as one hour passed. The Thieves hadn’t responded yet, but that didn’t mean anything – the antsy manner possessing him as he vaguely wandered in his apartment was going strong.  
  
Four hours after he sent his message, some of his energy began to wane.  
  
Ten hours later, the hopeful glimmer flickered.  
  
Twenty-two later, it had winked out.  
  
“—I’ve even used people’s lives as stepping stones in order to claim this country as my own ship. I am a true criminal that can be tried for any crime, and it still wouldn’t be enough! I will confess everything! Please, I beg everyone to pass judgement on me—”  
  
Goro’s phone, left on the floor, vibrated at last.  
  
He knew who it was. He didn’t check their reply.  
  
He had been too late. They evidently didn’t see his message until after the deed was already done.  
  
  
  
Several new cracks had emerged upon his heart. It had long since shattered in a thousand pieces.  
  
Everything ached.  
  
His heart, his soul, every last cell inside his body, his very being — it all hurt.  
  
  
  
He had lost his father, once again.  
  
  
  
He missed him.  
  
He wanted to see him again.  
  
He felt empty, like nothing was within him anymore. As if simply air replaced what had been his insides.  
  
With Shidou gone, the part that completed him had vanished as well. Leaving a gaping wound behind.  
  
  
  
The silence was high. The report on the TV felt like mere white noise.  
  
  
  
Across his otherwise dark bedroom, the sole source of light came from the brightness of the screen. The sunny sky within his mind had been eclipsed.  
  
He wasn’t sure he would see it ever again.  
  
But what he knew, deep down, was that Shidou would scold him if he saw him brood and wither like this.  
  
He would probably tell him to stop whining and stand up already. Goro had no experience to base this on, but it did sound like something Shidou would say.  
  
He would be ashamed of him. Would yell at him to get his act together with this arrogant, severe and impatient bark of his.  
  
Goro snorted.  
  
  
  
_ “Be careful not to attract unwanted attention to yourself and go on with your life while I’m busy. Make the most out of it—become someone I will be proud of.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ The words echoed inside his head, imperious and powerful.  
  
  
  
It was as if Shidou was right there inside his room, inches away from him.  
  
  
  
Very slowly, Goro raised his head from his arms.  
  
His eyes looked heavy and tired, like they didn’t enjoy a true night’s rest in ages. Large dark circles sat under them, driving the knife further in. And yet, a tiny little light, so dim it might not have ever existed, seemed to glint within his eyes anew.  
  
He leaned away from his bedside and uncurled. Then, he climbed to his feet – shakily, but he did.  
  
“…Fine.”  
  
He hurriedly wiped his eyes with his sleeve. It didn’t come out entirely dry.  
  
“I promise.”  
  
There was no one around to hear his pledge.  
  
Even so, Goro couldn’t help the naive, foolish thought that wherever he was, his father heard it loud and clear.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you spot the parts where my throat tightened loool
> 
> But I didn’t cry this time! I swear! 💪
> 
> There are many things I would like to explain about my thought process concerning this fic… but I’ll leave it for the epilogue. Stay tuned until then!


	9. Epilogue - WELCOME HOME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s the first time I update a long fic so soon after the last chapter lol… But I really, really was too excited about writing this one to wait (I did try though but failed lamentably). So here it is… Thank you so much for reading Heart Change.

A gentle breeze once again carried the perfume that the Japanese held so dear, the one they looked forward to every year as they finally opened their windows to the sight of the cherry trees in full bloom. To the delight of the old and young alike, the pink snow so unique to their nation had returned as beautiful as ever, enhancing the boring greys of concrete and the lacking greens of nature as far as the eye could see. Wherever one looked, they would inevitably marvel at the precious petals swirl from the bloom and blanket ponds of water, yards of short grass and long and large streets; a wonderful gift of nature pleasantly welcoming the first days of spring.  
  
Under the calm swaying of Tokyo rural outskirts’ cherry trees, a rather electric scene unfolded.  
  
“You’re a moron!”  
  
“No, you are!”  
  
“Am not!”  
  
“Are too!”  
  
“Am _ not!” _ _  
_  
“Are _ too!” _ _  
_  
If looks could kill, then the grassy playing area of a certain daycare would have undoubtedly turned to a crime scene. Two children, a boy and a girl, were engaged in a glaring competition, and the question as to who would emerge victorious seemed to pose a conundrum on the likes of a political scale.  
  
“Only a moron would say Black Condor’s better than Yellow Owl!” the young boy insisted, clenching his fists into little balls. The girl responded in kind.  
  
“And only a moron would say Yellow Owl’s better than Black Condor!”  
  
“I’m not a moron!”  
  
“You are!”  
  
“Am not!”  
  
“Are too!”  
  
It was a bit difficult to truly make out what the other children were saying over the chorus of ‘Am not’ and ‘Are too’; they had all circled the two children, either egging them on or trying to reason them into stopping their fight. It went without saying that one side was much more successful than the other.  
  
“I’ll go get a nanny if you don’t stop!” a tearful girl said, her voice quivering with each of her words.  
  
“You snitch!” exclaimed the two offenders at the same time, making the poor girl shrink under their deadly glare. It was almost refreshing to see them agree on something, but they returned to their bickering nearly at once.  
  
“I’ll go,” another boy said to the teary girl, his reassuring manner prompting her to nod vigorously in gratitude. The next moment, he dashed madly toward the cottage, calling for any adult around, only to have a better idea: _ any adult _ just wouldn’t do.  
  
Skirting around the building, the boy trotted along the large flower beds, following the path of paving stones until he reached the backyard. His heart gave a leap upon finding who he had been looking for.  
  
“Quick, there’s a fight in the playground! You need to stop it!” he exclaimed, pulling at the caretaker’s apron. Said caretaker looked down at him even as he finished hanging some white sheets upon the laundry pole.  
  
“Is that so? Lead the way,” he replied in a kind, gentle voice.  
  
Grabbing his hand, the boy guided him to the playing area where the fight was in full swing; rather than relent somewhat, it seemed to have reached new heights. Both children were nearly coming to blows at this point.  
  
“You’re stupid!”  
  
“You’re a big dummy!”  
  
“You’re—”  
  
“Come on, you two. You shouldn’t be fighting.”  
  
The two children startled and whirled around, but the sheepishness they might have felt upon being reprimanded was little next to the outrage still possessing them; they pointed an accusatory finger at each other, both determined to have the caretaker join their side.  
  
“He said Yellow Owl’s better than Black Condor! That’s just not true!”  
  
“And she said Black Condor’s better than Yellow Owl but there’s no way! Black Condor’s way stronger and cooler!”  
  
“Now that’s a problem,” the caretaker said, taking on a thoughtful look. “But does one really have to be better than the other? Can’t they both be equally strong and cool?”  
  
“No!” the boy exclaimed, apparently almost offended that the caretaker could bring up such a ridiculous point. “Because that’d be stupid! Yellow Owl could win against Black Condor in a fight without even trying!”  
  
“Oh! You liar!” the girl cried out, only for her wide eyes to take on a slightly rounder shape as the caretaker crouched, keeping his face level with theirs.  
  
“Do you think they would ever fight, though? Aren’t Black Condor and Yellow Owl allies?”  
  
Both children paused and exchanged a glance. Clearly, they didn’t think of that.  
  
“It doesn’t matter which one is the best. What matters is that together, they are so strong that no villain can ever stop them—and this happens only when they join forces. Plus, they have a lot of respect for each other, don’t they? Didn’t Black Condor save Yellow Owl from the Dimensional Beast in episode 28, while Yellow Owl was the one to encourage Black Condor when all seemed to be over in episode 46?”  
  
An awed silence went by, not only on the two children's part, but among all the others as well. The caretaker tilted his head aside, his smile suggesting a dash of confusion at the reaction he provoked, until another child spoke up.  
  
“That’s right! Black Condor and Yellow Owl are teammates! They’d be ashamed of you two if they heard!”  
  
A murmur of agreement rose upon the scene, resulting in two very sheepish children. They looked at each other, and the boy scratched the back of his head.  
  
“You know, it really was cool how Black Condor saved Yellow Owl in that episode…”  
  
“And it’s true it was thanks to Yellow Owl that Black Condor could win in the end…”  
  
Awkwardness emerged on their flushy faces. Then, in perfect unison, both steeled themselves and cried out, “I’m sorry!”  
  
The caretaker gave a relaxed sigh as the boy took the girl’s hand in his and offered to play Featherman, which she accepted with delight before asking the other children if they wanted to join in. But just as they were about to run off, the boy turned around and lifted a beaming face at the caretaker, his eyes practically sparkling.  
  
“You never told us you were a fan of Featherman! Goro-niichan, you really are the best!”  
  
Enthusiastic cheering boomed all around. The caretaker brought his index finger to graze his cheek and chuckled – something the children never picked up as a gesture of embarrassment.  
  
“I-I wouldn’t say I’m a fan… I just check it out once in a while, when I have nothing better to do…”  
  
But the children weren’t listening anymore, too elated at the revelation that an adult, of all people, enjoyed something they did to pay attention to his protest. Many of them tugged at him from all directions, begging him to participate in their game.  
  
“You can be the Demon Robot!” a young child said excitedly, only to deflate a bit as the caretaker shook his head.  
  
“I’m sorry… I still have the laundry to finish first. Why don’t you ask—”  
  
“No! The nee-chans don’t know anything about Featherman! They’re not even here anyway!”  
  
“Ah, right, I forgot… They told me they would be late today. Wait—does that mean you were all on your own while I was doing the chores?!”  
  
“The other nee-chans who watched over us said they had to leave and told us to get you,” a boy replied, not looking especially concerned.  
  
“Which none of you did until you started arguing, huh…” the caretaker muttered, his shoulders drooping in weariness. “All right, how about this… If you all help me with the laundry, I’ll play with you.”  
  
“Wha? That’s boring!” another child cried out, his cheeks all puffed out.  
  
“I’ll help you do the laundry if you play a song on the piano for us later, Goro-niichan! You play it so well!” a girl exclaimed, prompting the other children to agglutinate around him in approval and the caretaker to let out another embarrassed chuckle.  
  
“You know I’m just a beginner,” he said gently, holding his hands at chest level as if to curb their overflowing excitement. “I still have a lot of progress to make before my playing can be considered good.”  
  
“Not true! You play better than the guys on TV!” came the obstinate retort, and the caretaker’s bashfulness cranked up at least three levels.  
  
“I really think you are exaggerating a bit…”  
  
Seeing as how their current strategy was obviously having subpar results at best, the children opted for their secret weapon, the one they knew their precious caretaker would succumb to. The puppy eyes.  
  
“Goro-niichan, please…” the tearful girl said, her watery eyes twinkling at him and making it practically a feat to resist them. The caretaker recoiled, silently pondering the extent of manipulation children could possess even in their youngest years.  
  
“Fine, fine,” he eventually said, sighing in defeat. “Help me with the laundry and I’ll play Featherman with you, then a song later on the piano.”  
  
The explosion of cheers that resulted from his promise would have sounded more or less the same if he had suddenly declared he was going to buy them all a yearly supply of ice cream and sweets. All the children threw themselves at him, fighting to be the one to hug him the tightest.  
  
“All right, all right, that’s enough,” he said as the children began to wonder very seriously which song he should play – Featherman’s main theme being the favorite. “Laundry first.”  
  
With over ten pairs of little hands to help him, the laundry was going at a faster pace than it had ever been in his two years of experience; the caretaker couldn’t help a fond smile as he saw how much fun the children were having, unable to stop playing even as they contributed to the chore, wandering here and there before they suddenly remembered their task. A tiny little girl, the youngest of the group as she was still a toddler, waddled on her stumpy legs toward him.  
  
“Goro-niicha.”  
  
She presented him with a single daisy. The caretaker blinked, caught off-guard by the gesture – until a crescent-shaped smile flooded his face.  
  
“Is that for me?” he asked as he crouched, and the little girl nodded. “Thank you. I’ll take good care of it.”  
  
With this, he took the daisy and slipped it into his apron pocket, making sure it would peek out. The baby girl’s rosy cheeks deepened to a brighter shade as she stared at him, her awe obvious even behind her expressionless gaze.  
  
“Look, look, Goro-niichan! No more laundry!”  
  
The children tugged at him, pointing proud fingers at the empty basket and busy laundry pole. They deserved praise, truly – none of the laundry overlapped and they had even made sure not to drop any in the grass before hanging it up.  
  
“You all did an excellent job,” he said, causing flustered blushes and sheepish grins. “I couldn’t have done it better myself.”  
  
“Does that mean we can play Featherman now?” a boy asked, his eyes remarkably shiny. The caretaker responded with an equally bright smile.  
  
“Of course. Let’s see, I—whoa!”  
  
The caretaker couldn’t help his exclamation of surprise as the children tackled him to the ground like one and bustled all over him. It was like being assaulted by a pack of tail-wagging, excited puppies.  
  
“Time to pay for what you did to Blue Swan, Demon Robot!” the Yellow Owl-loving boy cried out (the girl apparently appointed as Blue Swan pretended to faint). “Everyone, attack!”  
  
The caretaker chuckled, until a squeaky yelp escaped his throat despite himself – the next moment, he was writhing on the grass, giggling and laughing madly as his sides were being effectively assaulted. With tickles.  
  
“S-Stop—” he breathed out as his body jerked out of control, tears already welling up within his eyes. “I can’t—please don’t—”  
  
“My, you all look like you’re having fun.”  
  
A tranquil voice rose, prompting the children to pause and look up. A couple of women appeared from around the corner of the cottage, greeted by joyful “Mom’s!”  
  
“Hey there, honey,” one of them said as her child threw himself into her arms. “How was daycare today?”  
  
“Great! We played lots of Featherman!”  
  
“Mom, Mom!” the second child said, gripping the hem of the other woman’s dress. “I helped Goro-niichan do the laundry!”  
  
“Is that so? Now that’s breaking news,” she replied, giggling quietly before raising a smile at the caretaker, who trotted up to them and bowed in respect. “Thank you so much for all your hard work, Akechi-san. I know the children can be quite a handful at times…”  
  
“It’s always a pleasure,” he responded sincerely as three or four children clung tightly to him, eliciting fond smiles from the two mothers.  
  
“They all love you, don’t they. My son’s the same—he can’t stop talking about you at home,” she said affectionately, while her friend hummed her confirmation. Then, she grabbed her son’s hand, her gratitude crystal clear. “Anyway, we should get going. Say goodbye to the children and Akechi-san.”  
  
“Bye-bye!” obliged both children, waving at everyone. “See you tomorrow!”  
  
As the four of them departed and the caretaker waved back, a warm and mellow sensation floated inside his heart.  
  
Being thanked for his efforts was a pleasant feeling, cementing the thought that he was doing something right. It wasn't an easy task every day, of course, what with the children’s endless energy and hyperactivity, woes and tantrums, large tears and loud laughter; even so, he wouldn’t trade his place for anything else in the world.  
  
Akechi Goro, twenty years old and an employee of a modest daycare in the rural parts of Tokyo’s suburbs, definitely got by.  
  
The pay wasn’t the best, but the smiles of the children was a better reward than he could ask for. The first thing he did each day upon going home was collapsing in bed, but their affection the next morning never failed to make up for it. Frankly, he applied more just so he could stack all the odds in his favor when it came to getting a job rather than out of genuine interest, although it hadn’t been long before his relative indifference morphed into a fond, soft tenderness as he woke up everyday and prepared for work. Receiving the gratitude and praise of the guardians was the cherry on top.  
  
“Ah, Akechi-kun! We’re so sorry we’re late!”  
  
Three girls came jogging at him, doubling over to catch their breaths. Judging from their uniforms, they went to the daycare directly after leaving their high school.  
  
“Did everything go okay with the kids?” one asked, straightening up. “We had no idea you’d be all alone! It’s such bad timing that the boss isn’t there today besides the others…”  
  
“Don’t worry, they were all very nice,” he replied in a reassuring tone, his smile sunny. “How was cram school?”  
  
“Okay, I guess,” another responded, stretching her arms. “But it’s definitely not going to be a piece of cake enrolling into the college we want… Our teacher said the entrance exam was particularly hard this year!”

“That’s such a shame,” Goro said, eyes downcast before they lifted again. “But I’m sure you will all be just fine. Your hard work’s going to pay off.”  
  
“Well, I’d be definitely more confident if someone could help us study…” the third girl muttered, ignoring how her two friends swooned at his praise. “If you’re available, maybe you could…?”  
  
“I’m sorry,” he said right away, his smile widening a bit more – twinkling as it was, an observant person might have detected the trace of nervousness concealed beyond it. “I’d love to give you a hand, but the daycare really eats up all of my spare time… It’d be difficult to find time for…”  
  
“Goro-niicha! I’m hungry!” interrupted a little girl, hugging Goro’s legs like a baby koala. He glanced down at her before checking his watch.  
  
“Right, it’s past four already… I’ll go get everyone’s snacks,” he said, and added with a somewhat apologetic tone to his fellow employees, “Sorry, I’ll be right back… Can I let you watch over the children for a few minutes?”  
  
“Of course!” squeaked one of the girls. “Let us handle it, Akechi-kun!”

With a grateful smile, Goro inclined his head and headed inside the cottage, making a mental note to check out if he could find a music sheet for Featherman's theme song later (those kids really had him at their beck and call) while gathering the children’s snack bags. He returned to the sound of excited cries of joy.  
  
“There, there,” he said, trying to calm down the effervescence as the children swarmed him. “Everyone sit down. When I call your name, come and get your bag.”  
  
As an unanimous “Yes!” rang out, the three girls couldn’t help but observe the scene from the employees’ break room as they changed into their work uniform. One of them seemed particularly broody.  
  
“The subtle approach went nowhere, the pleading approach went nowhere, the crying approach went nowhere, the direct approach went nowhere… Is there _ anything _ we can do to spend time with Akechi-kun outside of work? I’m gonna go crazy at this point!”  
  
“I really think he’s just not interested. Plus, you have like ten or eleven rivals already. Look.”  
  
Grumpily, the girl joined her two giggling friends at the window, her furious blush apparent as they listened in.  
  
“Hm? What is it?” Goro asked as the baby girl toddled toward him, raising her arms. “Oh, a lift? Up you go.”  
  
Goro took her in his arms gently and she immediately nestled against him, giving him an adorable hug which he responded to with an affectionate smile. The three girls could have fainted right here and there from the endearment.  
  
“He’s too cute… He’s just too, too cute…”  
  
“Ahh… I wish that were me…”  
  
The struck dumb grins on their faces spoke of true bliss. They all sighed, unsure whether they could bear to watch any more before they simply began to melt into squeeing puddles. It took them a very long time to finish changing before finally joining him and getting to work.  
  
“M-Mommy! M-M-Mommy!”  
  
Many guardians came fetching their children as the half hour passed, until only a few were left. None of them were too bothered, as they always stayed at the daycare the longest, except a little girl whose mother said she would pick her up early today.  
  
“Mommy f-forgot! Sh-She forgot me!” she hiccuped in between two sobs, her cries heart-wrenching. Goro knelt down in front of her, speaking in a quiet, soothing tone.  
  
“Of course she hasn’t forgotten you. She’s on her way, I’m sure.”  
  
“N-No! Sh-She forgot! I—I won’t s-see M-Mommy anymore!”  
  
Goro leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her, one hand resting behind her head. She sobbed into his shoulder, her tiny frame overcome with tremors.  
  
“You will. You’ll see her very soon,” he whispered, rubbing calming circles on her back. She lifted a tearful gaze at him, reminiscent of a kitten’s.  
  
“P-Promise?”  
  
“Promise.”  
  
A silence went by (the three employees seemed on the edge of fawning again) before she threw herself in his arms, hugging him so tight it nearly hurt. Goro reciprocated the embrace, praising her for being such a brave little girl.  
  
“See? She’s here.”  
  
Sure enough, a woman was practically running their way; that is, as much as her high heels allowed her to. Her distressed expression only deepened upon witnessing her daughter’s reddened face.  
  
“I’m so sorry, dear, I’m so sorry, I got held at work,” she said hurriedly, crouching down and greeted by a hug. “I wanted to call but my battery was down, too… Are you all right?”  
  
“Mhm! Goro-niichan comforted me!”  
  
“I saw…” she replied, some tension visibly leaving her body as she stood up and addressed Goro one of the most thankful smiles he ever saw. “Thank you so much for looking after my daughter, Akechi-san. You have no idea how blessed my husband and I feel to know that you are there to watch over her.”  
  
“I’m the one who should be grateful,” he said alongside a bow. “Thank you for your trust.”  
  
Her smile widened.  
  
“Mommy, come! I wanna show you my painting!”  
  
“Right, you were supposed to finish it today, weren't you? Show me then,” she responded, already being dragged by the hand as she looked at Goro over her shoulder and added, “By the way, Akechi-san… There’s someone waiting for you at the entrance. I was in such a hurry that I must have appeared rude, but I told them I’d let you know…”  
  
“Someone wants to see me?” he echoed in confusion – it was the first time this happened. “All right—thank you very much for telling me.”  
  
Glancing behind him at his co-workers, Goro left the woman and her daughter as they made their way to the painting station and headed to the front door of the daycare, curious as to who could be asking to see him. A tinge of worry settled inside his stomach at the prospect that something or someone from his past might have caught up with him at last; he had been lucky enough to avoid any involvement in the aftermath, but…  
  
  
  
When Goro climbed down the stairs and raised his round eyes, he felt his heart stop.  
  
  
  
His eyes went wide.  
  
His lips parted.  
  
  
  
Ten meters stood between them as a man in a black coat observed him from the very end of the walkway, eyes narrowing in the shade of his hat. The man took a step forward, then another.  
  
Soon enough, they were within talking distance.  
  
The man towered over him, exactly like in his memories, not a single difference in his strict features except the noticeable absence of his orange-tinted glasses. Goro gaped in awe, absolutely frozen in place, pulse suddenly a raging drum in his veins, until the time-stopping spell broke with a single mutter.  
  
“You’ve grown.”  
  
His tone was unfathomable, as always. And yet, for once, Goro was able to detect the faintest traces of emotion in those words.  
  
“What… are you doing here…?” he asked blankly, under such a shock that his voice seemed to elude him. “Are you… already out of…?”  
  
“I got a temporary permission to go outside,” Shidou answered, jerking his chin behind him – two men were observing the scene from their car nearby, obviously law enforcers given their uniforms. “About two hours. For good conduct.”  
  
Goro had no words.  
  
All he could do was remain rooted to the spot, unable to believe his eyes nor his ears.  
  
“I heard you’ve been working remarkably hard,” Shidou went on, and the tiniest of smirks seemed to flash across his face. “If what the residents around said about you is to be trusted.”  
  
“Th-They’re exaggerating…” Goro stammered, unable to help his silly nervous smile. “I’m really not doing that much…”  
  
“Hmph. Stop being so modest,” Shidou snapped, summoning his usual, almost reassuring impatience. A short silence ticked by before he broke it again. “It seems you listened to me after all.”  
  
“Huh…?” Goro mumbled, lifting a very round gaze at him. Shidou contemplated him for a long moment, and then spoke.  
  
“You went on with your life and worked hard to make it a productive one. I am proud to call you my son.”  
  
  
  
For the first time, Goro flushed.  
  
  
  
His face was mottled with uneven patches of red, crimson, even burgundy, down to his neck and up to his ears.  
  
When their eyes met again, Goro’s voice quivered like never before.  
  
“This is real, right…? You’re… You really _ are _ here…”  
  
“I am.”  
  
Goro felt like he was in a trance.  
  
He gazed at him, at his father, utterly captivated, enthralled like never before. A tiny little voice whispered in his ear, urging him to say those words he had always dreamed to speak, those words he was almost afraid to utter, those words he heard so many times from the rest of the world but never got the chance to say himself…  
  
“W-Wel…”  
  
His voice trailed off on its own.  
  
He shook his head furiously. He refused to back down, not now. Not anymore.  
  
  
  
When he finally said it, his voice was quieter than a whisper.  
  
Even so, the way one corner of Shidou’s lips twitched into a genuine smile was a clear indication he had grasped it all.  
  
  
  
“…Welcome home…”  
  
  
  
The cherry trees swayed gently in the breeze coming in, letting their bloom make one with the soil under. Only they witnessed the reunion happening that day.  
  
When the last petal fell, father and son were both gone. But Goro knew it wouldn’t be long before they saw each other again.  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll go ahead and say right away that I didn’t want this fic to end. I’ve been writing stories for over three years now and it’s only the second story I actually complete… so I feel a bit emotional. It’s both a happy and sad feeling, I don’t really know how to explain it, but what I’m sure of is that I felt something very warm while writing this story.
> 
> As I said in the previous chapter, there are several things I’d like to explain regarding my choices for this story. I think many of you were expecting the story to go in this or that direction, which didn’t happen in the end, such as Goro meeting Shadow Shidou or even interact with the PT at some point. My reason is that I really wanted this story to focus solely on Shiake and nothing else; this is why you may notice almost no character besides those two appear at all. I just wanted to study their character growth, what makes them think and act this way, how they became closer, with no “interferences” to take away from this focus. I also never meant for this story to be large-scale with a huge plot, which is another reason why I decided to keep things simple. I’m very sorry if some of you were anticipating something that ended up not happening, I really hope you weren’t disappointed in the end and that the story was worth at least a little of your time despite all!
> 
> Moving on, I don’t really know if it was noticeable while reading, but this story was an absolute challenge to write. Shiake is the relationship I find the most difficult to portray because I always really want to stick as close as possible to canon and keep the characters faithful to their canon counterparts, which means avoiding OOCness the best I can. This quickly becomes a problem when my favorite thing is to make Goro and Shidou have a wholesome father and son relationship… so I tried very hard to make them both act as realistically as possible while still indulging my own preference. If I had listened to myself, Shidou would have hugged Goro at least once, for example – those kinds of things I ended up not including because I believed it strayed too far from what makes Goro and Shidou who they are. Sometimes I believe I may have gone overboard even in the final version of this fic… but I did write this out of sheer self-indulgence in the end so I really can’t justify it any other way ;_; I hope the way I wrote them wasn’t too eyebrow-rising, at any rate, and that I made them both justice if only a bit.
> 
> By the way, here’s something that was supposed to happen in the story that I ended up scrapping at the last minute. Up until chapter 5, the reason Shidou was so doting on Goro out of nowhere was because he was being haunted by the ghost of Goro’s mother, and felt compelled to be kind to Goro because of her presence. It was supposed to be a twist at the end of the story, during the scene where Shidou orders Goro to leave: there would be the reveal of Shidou seeing Mrs. Akechi’s ghost smile kindly at him as she hugged Goro (who would be entirely oblivious to her presence for the entirety of the story) before vanishing. I wanted to foreshadow this in the later chapters (Shidou discussing how he is superstitious (eg. daruma doll) while saying younger generations wouldn’t understand, etc). In the end, I discarded the idea because I felt 1) it would come out of nowhere despite the clues 2) it would be a twist just for the sake of a twist, not to mention bringing a supernatural element in this very grounded story would be out of place and 3) her presence explaining Shidou’s change was far-fetched since he never cared about her in life, so he shouldn’t care about her even in death lol. Anyway, that was the trivia part of my note, which I thought would be interesting to share!
> 
> So, what’s next? I have currently five ongoing projects: Cherry Bomb, Lovesick, Looking Glass and Overtime, plus the rewrite of my old story Succession. LG and Overtime are currently on hold until I’m done with CB, LS and Succession’s rewrite. Right now, I’m planning to finish Succession (I have 7 chapters left to do, which shouldn’t take me too long) and write a short spin-off oneshot for it before returning to CB and LS. I’d like to start a new grand-scale fic set in the P5 Royal universe (finally!) once I’m done with Succession, which means I’ll be back to cycling between three fics. I’ll resume LG and Overtime as soon as LS and CB are done. I’m so sorry for everyone who’s waiting for LG and Overtime to update… but I promise I will complete them eventually. Thank you so much for your patience!!
> 
> I’ll stop there before this author’s note becomes longer than the chapter itself. At any rate, thank you again so much for reading Heart Change, and I hope to see you again for the next stories!


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